Physical Recovery
I am frequently asked about how I am feeling physically and every single time I am asked I am taken a bit by surprise. I am so consumed with how I am feeling emotionally, I sometimes forget that I had surgery a little over 2 weeks ago and that my body is recovering from being pregnant.
C-Section
I am still fairly sore. This could partly be my own doing. I probably don't rest as much as I should. We have been going into the city quite a bit to keep our minds busy and this entails more walking than I would be doing at home. I also can't resist lifting Calder from time to time. When he is crying and wants up I find it extremely difficult to say "mommy can't lift you".
On Friday night, I was quite sore and was finding it difficult to move around. My mom and brother reiterated the point that I am supposed to be resting. They cut through my abs. So, yesterday (Saturday) the only walking I did was around the block for my 20 minutes outside and I didn't pick Calder up once. It definitely made a difference to how I felt at the end of the day.
Will Saturday's events encourage me to take it easy next week? In a nutshell, no. We are going to Edmonton for 3 nights of family time away from home. I will do my best not to lift, but I want to go to the pool and science center with Hugh and Calder. I want to enjoy this time with the 3 of us. If this means a couple of sore nights or bit of a longer recovery, it is a consequence I am willing to live with.
Milk
I stopped pumping this past Monday. I still had plenty of milk and subsequently pain the next 3 days, but I didn't care. I didn't want to pump any more. It made me sad to pump. I had milk and no baby. With that being said, there was also some sadness on Friday night when I realized that it was the first day I didn't feel my milk drop sometime during the day. One less reminder of Tripp.
Sleep
Sleeping is hard. It is hard to turn off my brain to fall asleep and it is hard to stay asleep. I have been getting 5 - 6 hours a night of broken sleep. It sucks. Those of you who know me, know that on a regular night my body likes 8 - 10 hours of sleep. I am getting exhausted and so is Hugh (he is actually getting less sleep than me). I have been trying to lie down to sleep when Calder goes, but again it is hard to get to sleep and I can only seem to stay down for about 45 minutes to an hour.
Eating
I have not been doing well with this. I don't have an appetite. I'm rarely hungry. I try to eat all 3 meals with the boys, but I will get a few bites in and feel sick to my stomach. I know that this is NOT good. I know I will feel less tired and that my body will heal better if I eat, but I can't force my stomach to cooperate.
Although I know I need to eat, I am not sad my body isn't allowing me to. The weight is flying off me. I think most woman love getting that added weight off after they have had a baby, but for me this is especially true this time around.
When I had Calder and was carrying around those extra pounds postpartum, I carried around with me a badge, my baby, that said it was o.k. to have that extra weight. I won't say I loved carrying around the extra pounds, but I felt like I had a reason, that people could see, for carrying them around. I don't have my badge to carry around this time.
I think I am an average woman. I am always conscience about how I look. I have insecurities and I frequently ask Hugh the question, "do I look fat in this?" I know I am not overweight, but I am not always confident in that.
When I am in good shape, I feel good. I feel more confident. When I got pregnant with Tripp, I was in great shape and I felt awesome. Now, I have an urge to get back to that place as quickly as possible.
I guess, ultimately, I am self-conscience without my badge, without Tripp. I will continue to work on eating better and getting the weight off the "right" way, but I won't be sad as my pants start fitting a bit better.
C-Section
I am still fairly sore. This could partly be my own doing. I probably don't rest as much as I should. We have been going into the city quite a bit to keep our minds busy and this entails more walking than I would be doing at home. I also can't resist lifting Calder from time to time. When he is crying and wants up I find it extremely difficult to say "mommy can't lift you".
On Friday night, I was quite sore and was finding it difficult to move around. My mom and brother reiterated the point that I am supposed to be resting. They cut through my abs. So, yesterday (Saturday) the only walking I did was around the block for my 20 minutes outside and I didn't pick Calder up once. It definitely made a difference to how I felt at the end of the day.
Will Saturday's events encourage me to take it easy next week? In a nutshell, no. We are going to Edmonton for 3 nights of family time away from home. I will do my best not to lift, but I want to go to the pool and science center with Hugh and Calder. I want to enjoy this time with the 3 of us. If this means a couple of sore nights or bit of a longer recovery, it is a consequence I am willing to live with.
Milk
I stopped pumping this past Monday. I still had plenty of milk and subsequently pain the next 3 days, but I didn't care. I didn't want to pump any more. It made me sad to pump. I had milk and no baby. With that being said, there was also some sadness on Friday night when I realized that it was the first day I didn't feel my milk drop sometime during the day. One less reminder of Tripp.
Sleep
Sleeping is hard. It is hard to turn off my brain to fall asleep and it is hard to stay asleep. I have been getting 5 - 6 hours a night of broken sleep. It sucks. Those of you who know me, know that on a regular night my body likes 8 - 10 hours of sleep. I am getting exhausted and so is Hugh (he is actually getting less sleep than me). I have been trying to lie down to sleep when Calder goes, but again it is hard to get to sleep and I can only seem to stay down for about 45 minutes to an hour.
Eating
I have not been doing well with this. I don't have an appetite. I'm rarely hungry. I try to eat all 3 meals with the boys, but I will get a few bites in and feel sick to my stomach. I know that this is NOT good. I know I will feel less tired and that my body will heal better if I eat, but I can't force my stomach to cooperate.
Although I know I need to eat, I am not sad my body isn't allowing me to. The weight is flying off me. I think most woman love getting that added weight off after they have had a baby, but for me this is especially true this time around.
When I had Calder and was carrying around those extra pounds postpartum, I carried around with me a badge, my baby, that said it was o.k. to have that extra weight. I won't say I loved carrying around the extra pounds, but I felt like I had a reason, that people could see, for carrying them around. I don't have my badge to carry around this time.
I think I am an average woman. I am always conscience about how I look. I have insecurities and I frequently ask Hugh the question, "do I look fat in this?" I know I am not overweight, but I am not always confident in that.
When I am in good shape, I feel good. I feel more confident. When I got pregnant with Tripp, I was in great shape and I felt awesome. Now, I have an urge to get back to that place as quickly as possible.
I guess, ultimately, I am self-conscience without my badge, without Tripp. I will continue to work on eating better and getting the weight off the "right" way, but I won't be sad as my pants start fitting a bit better.
Jordan, please take it easy and consider the long term effects of getting some rest right now. I don't want to be preachy, but I know two ladies who ended up with severe uterine infections after c-sections because they did not take the time to heal properly. One of them had a rupture and she still has major problems because of it, and she had to try for 4 years to get pregnant with their second child. I am concerned, especially with the lack of proper sleep.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you would ever ask if you looked fat in anything is funny...although I do understand your feeling on the "badge". Regardless, I want you to know you are a beautiful lady. Focus on health first, and you will be thankful in the long run.