Okay

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Hugh and I were laying in bed last night.  Eyes wide open, thinking.

I was staring at the family photo I recently put up in our bedroom.  We took it at the end of November.  As I looked at it, the only thoughts that kept entering my head were, "our life was so easy then" and "that doesn't even look like me. . . I am not the same person now, as I was in that photo."

After a few moments of silence, Hugh turned to me and said, "are you going to be okay?"  I said, "yes", without even thinking about it.  This immediately started me thinking about it.  Every part of me knew that I was going to be okay.  I was sure of that.  I turned to Hugh and asked him the same question.  He calmly answered, "yes".   After a few seconds he added, "I will only be okay if you are going to be okay"  I felt a peace in the fact that I am going to be okay.  "I will be okay, I am just not sure how long its going to take me to get there."  Hugh smiled and said, "okay".

I have been hearing the song Little Miss by Sugarland almost every time I hop in the van.  Parts of it make me feel sad and empowered all at once.  You can hear it here.


          It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright,
          Yeah, sometimes ya gotta lose ’til ya win,
          It’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright,
          It’ll be alright again, it’ll be alright again,
          I’m okay, It’ll be alright again, I’m okay (okay) It’ll be alright again, I’m okay
          Hold on, hold on, you are loved, are loved
I'm okay.  We're okay.

Comments

  1. AnonymousMarch 23, 2011 at 3:22 PM

    Jordan,

    That picture does look like you. You are the same smart, loving, compassionate person you were. All the characteristics that makes you who you are, are all still there. They may feel hidden by the grief that you feel, but as the grief lessens, you will feel the qualities you've prided yourself with in the past start to shine through again. I think in the end, the loss of Tripp will strength these characteristics. Tripp will teach us all to love deeper, and more compassionately, we will have greater empathy and be greater friends to all of those we love. All of our personalities will strengthen and we will all become better people to our family, our friends, and to strangers. It is Tripp's gift to all of us.

    Jes

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMarch 23, 2011 at 3:41 PM

    Hi Jordan

    The question I am sure you are always asked is "how are you doing". I am glad to hear you can say you will be okay. Just want to let you know we are still thinking of you and hoping you will be okay
    Mark and Amy

    ReplyDelete

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