Showing posts from July, 2012

The stuff Calder says . . .

After Hugh gave Calder a stern talking to after a timeout, Calder quips, 
"Something smells."

It was Hugh's garlic breath.

• • •  Conversation at JR's Ice Cream:
C: Is there rainbow? J: I don't think so, bud. . . . Oh wait, there it is. C: Told ja.
• • • When we were driving home from the Meewasin Valley Authority after making our mask on Wednesday Calder says to me, "We need a baby." My mind was racing. Seriously - does this kid need a sibling or what? He is obsessed! 
I asked him why he wanted a baby and he told me, "We need a baby and a stroller. . . because then we woulda got to use the elevator."
As we were leaving the Meewasin Valley Authority the moms with strollers headed up the elevator. Calder wanted to go, but I told him only moms with strollers got to take it. 
Apparently Calder isn't obsessed with getting a baby - he just has excellent reasoning (and what math teacher wouldn't like that!). • • •   On our Monster and Gargoyl…

Monsters and Gargoyles

This morning I was on the hunt for monsters and gargoyles with a group of parents and their kids. We scoured around downtown Saskatoon and were amazed at what we found. Our tour was put on by the Meewasin Valley Authority.
There were so many animals on the Delta Bessborough that we couldn't even begin to point them all out.

I think I got more our of the tour than Calder! Our guide introduced me to some of the history of Saskatoon, which I find incredibly interesting. It was a beautiful morning and a great experience.
When the tour was over the kids got to make monster masks! If you are interested in this tour, you can contact the Meewasin Valley Authority Interpretive Center. They were VERY accommodating. I am already making a mental note to book this again for next summer!

Top 5

The top 5 things I am loving this week:

Spending time with Calder in our backyard. Calder splashes in the paddling pool, I pick weeds and read.Rice and veggies. I am topping them with a bit of seasoning salt and margarine. Mmmmmm.My current read: The Host by Stephenie Meyer (you may recognize her name from the Twilight series).Swimming lessons with Calder. I am a proud mama. He is improving with every lesson.Master Chef - Hugh and I's summer t.v. addiction. What are some things on your list?

Buy a baby

I picked up my last blog book tonight. I scanned through a few pictures and then somehow started reading. Then I started crying.

I am continually shocked to read about how I was feeling in the months passed. I forgot that it was just last fall I held Pace for the first time, or that I had to tell 5 different sets of parents that Tripp died at Parent-Teacher Interviews. I forgot that it took me almost a year to lend Tripp's stuff out or about the profound conversations I've had with my Grandma Jenny. 
It is a good reminder to me to keep writing. And not only about the events happening in my life, but how I am feeling at any given moment. . . 
Today at lunch time Calder told me we should get a baby. When I asked him why he wanted one, he ignored the question (or misunderstood) said that we could buy one. He also wanted to buy a baby monitor to go with the baby and told me that the baby could sleep in the crib. I asked him again why he wanted one, but he didn't have an answer…

The most important job we have

Joe Paterno was the head coach of Penn State Nittany Lions for 46 years. He coached undefeated teams, won major bowls and at the time of his death in January, 2012 he had more wins than any other division I football coach.

What stands out more than any major football accolade is that he failed to protect young boys from a sexual predator. It sickens me.  Jerry Sandusky was Paterno's assistant coach. He sexually abused young men for 15 years. He used the Penn State Football program to recruit them. Paterno knew and looked the other way.

While in the van this weekend we heard an article by Rick Reilly titled, The sins of the father. Read it. It is worth your time.

Reilly sums it up best:

I talked about Paterno's "true legacy" in all of this. Here's his true legacy: Paterno let a child molester go when he could've stopped him. He let him go and then lied to cover his sinister tracks. He let a rapist go to save his own recruiting successes and fundraising pitches …

Southern Prairie Railway

This past weekend we were down visiting the Clarke's and took in the Southern Prairie Railway in Ogema, SK.

The train took about 40 minutes to arrive at our destination, Pangman, SK. There was supposed to be a farmer's market, but it was more like a few locals having a garage sale. We did spot this sweet mullet, which was probably the highlight of the stop!
Now, the million dollar question, would I recommend doing this? Yes. Keep in mind that as excited as our kids were to ride the train (and they were excited), after about 10 minutes the novelty wore off and they were bored. I would recommend packing some toys (maybe some trains?) and plenty of snacks. The iPad also might come in handy. They were pretty excited for the first 10 minutes. The next 30 there and the 40 minutes back were challenging!

The Southern Prairie Railway made its first run this June. I am looking forward to seeing how it grows.

Chasing Earthworms

This is Calder's first time taking a picture with Mommy's camera! It was pouring this morning and Calder and I thought a bit of puddle jumping would do us some good! We had a fabulous time splashing, playing street hockey, and spying the abundance of earthworms out for a swim. We were out for almost an hour and Calder was absolutely soaked when we came back. Apparently, his splash suit is not waterproof. I could have wrung out his clothes underneath!

I will say, he wasn't nearly as cold at the end of puddle jumping as he was at his first swimming lesson today. After the lesson, as I whipped him into his dry clothes he pointed to his chin to show me it was rattling! Then he told me he couldn't talk because his chin was rattling so much!  More on lessons later in the week - hopefully we will get some warm weather and I can snap a few pictures!

Pardon me?

Calder can be very soft spoken. On occasion his voice turns quieter than a whisper. I understand when kids are around people they don't know very well that they may be shy. This is definitely the case for Calder, but it goes beyond that. Mulitple times a day, Hugh and I have to ask Calder to speak up. He especially likes to turn down his volume in the van. With the noise of the running vehicle and the radio on this can be especially problematic.

Conversation with Calder on the way back from Kerri's parents last week:

C: Mom, blah blah blah, blah blah blah
J: Just hold on a sec, I'll turn off the radio. . . okay, what did you say?
C: Mom, blah blah blah, blah blah blah
J: Pardon me Calder, I can't hear you.
C: Mom, blah blah blah, blah blah blah
J: Seriously, Calder you need to speak up.
C: Mom, blah blah blah, blah blah blah
J: I still can't hear you Calder. CAN YOU TALK LIKE THIS?
C: Mom, blah blah blah, blah blah blah
J: Honey, your voice didn't get any loude…

Baba and Papa's

This week Calder and I went to visit Kerri at her parents' place. Her parents, who Calder affectionately calls Baba and Papa (just like Dylan) live at the lake.

We took their pontoon boat out both days we were there (I SO want one) and went swimming at a sandbar. Here are my 3 favourite shots:

Calder has really begun to love the water. He will go out over his head and doggy paddle (very slowly, and very short distances). He is also getting more comfortable if his head goes under. At this point he comes up with a complete look of panic on his face, but thankfully the days of full-out meltdown are past!

I am looking forward to Calder's swimming lessons starting next week. If you remember last year we made it to 3 lessons before the stress consumed us and we quit! Sea Turtle, here we come!

Wind back to you

I can't stop thinking about my weekend at the lake.

There were moments when I felt angry and that anger brought a deep sadness to my heart. I saw all the families. I saw all the babies and pregnant woman. It didn't seem fair. Where was Tripp?

Then I would look to the beach and see Calder. I felt so lucky it brought tears to my eyes.

It is a strange feeling -  to feel lucky when you have a dead baby.

On the way home we heard Dean Brody's Trail In Life. It is a beautiful song. I think it makes me cry every time I hear it.

God I hope, that your trail in life has been good to you.
And some day I know, this 'ol trail in life will wind back to you.

I really miss him today.

My Big Catch

On Friday night at the lake we headed out on the boat shortly before Calder's bedtime. Calder wanted to go fishing.

Out on the lake Calder made a few terrific casts. It is amazing how quickly he has caught on to how the fishing rod works. Once he had reeled in his line those few times, he put his rod down and asked, "When are we going to catch a fish?" His lure doesn't have a hook on it. He is good, but not any where near having a hook good :-)
My brother, Luke, started goading Hugh and I about who would catch the first fish. I enjoy fishing but have NO clue about it. We found a spot and took a few casts. Apparently, Luke parked in the wrong spot. Calder pointed to the west and told Uncle Luke, "The fish are over there." Luke immediately started the motor and got us trolling in that direction.
I asked how much line to put out. They laughed and said it didn't matter. Then I realized I didn't have a fishing license. I told Luke and Hugh that if a cons…

Hockey & Hearts

My friend, Danielle, recently told me about an AMAZING fundraiser she was involved with. It gave me goosebumps. I wanted her to share this incredible story with EVERYONE. It is inspiring what one group of people can do. Here it is:

I was telling Jordan about a fabulous event that I helped put on in my community of Rouleau, SK and she thought maybe all of you would enjoy hearing about it too.  I am not half the writer that Jordan is but here goes....

In the winter of 2010 while celebrating and debrieifing the success of a different event our town put on, the idea of a Celebrity Golf Tournament was introduced. Since we have our very own celebrity, Keith Aulie, then of the Toronto Maple Leafs and now of the Tampa Bay Lightening, a committee was formed and they ran with the idea.  
At the time my family and I lived in Warman, SK so we were unable to help with the planning and organizing but at the 1st Annual Hockey and Hearts Celebrity Golf Tournament $30,000 was raised. The money was use…


This weekend I had the most amazing chats with one of my BFF's from high school, Ader. I love the 2nd F part. When I get together with any of my BFF's we can always pick up right where we left off and I think that is the "forever" part. We will forever understand one another and that is why it feels like time and distance don't exist in our friendships.

Ader and I discussed a few things I had written about on my blog. Not the details of my life, more the big ideas like tiptoeing around people to protect them, for example. We also discussed my stress over the people who behind my back are saying, "It's time to get over it. You lost your baby."

Ader said something to me with tears in her eyes that I will never forget. She said, "Without your blog, I would not have known the true pain someone would feel after losing someone so dear. I would not have understood your grief is in everything you do. Without your blog, I might be one of those people.&q…

I made it.

The last month I have been doing a lot of reflecting about where I was a year ago and where I am now. I hadn't taught a full year since 2007 - 2008 and in September I questioned if I was capable of making it an entire year. I wondered if I loved my job enough to be happy going to work every day.

Turns out I do.

There were some REALLY hard days in the fall and a few more REALLY hard days in February. I am sure those weren't my best teaching days, but I did teach. I survived.

There were other days when I was stressed to the max. There were days when I was so tired and grumpy that I didn't perform by best. But those days would come and go, and I was always left with a feeling of satisfaction. I really like going to work.

I made it an entire year. Yet, I am still surprised that I did. There were times, alone in my classroom, that I would start to cry. How can I be here? Sitting here working? Tripp is dead. How is it that I am a functioning "normally"? Tripp is gone.