Good Life
Yesterday in my ton Day 1 post I wrote:
It felt like the start of our new life. Not the life we had planned, but a good life.
I had originally written:
It felt like the start of our new life. Not the life we had planned, but the life we have to live.
When I did my final proof read of the post I changed that last line. It sounded too sad and I didn't want to end on that note. I felt like "the life we have to live" statement accurately described how I felt, but it was so sad I didn't even like to read it myself. Why would anyone else enjoy reading it?
Thus, I wrote "a good life". I didn't necessarily feel connected to that line, but I wrote it. I posted the blog and started doing some thinking about "a good life".
Before all this began, Hugh and I would occasionally, usually out of nowhere, say to each other, "I love my life." It wasn't just a line we threw out. It was true. I have a great husband, a wonderful son, a warm house, a job I enjoy, etc. I loved my life. That changed when I found out Tripp was sick.
Yesterday after I wrote "a good life", I tried to go back to remembering all the good things and even though the worst thing has happened in our life, there is still plenty of good. My brother, Luke, commented on the blog from yesterday saying, "Even with what has happened the love the three of you have and the life your building together is not a good life it's an amazing life that people envy."
I made it my goal yesterday to remember the good and I had a better day. There were still tears and sad moments, but yesterday I didn't have an ugly cry moment.
When I saw pregnant woman and woman with small babies and the thought, it's not fair, popped into my head, I reminded myself that they didn't have what I wanted. They didn't have Tripp. I wouldn't trade their beautiful healthy baby for my beautiful sick one and I wouldn't trade a lifetime with their baby for the 5 days I had with Tripp. I was so lucky to have him even if for such a short time. There is no doubt in my mind that having Tripp was a good thing. Having Tripp was an amazing thing.
We are greiving and at moments we feel like we are just hanging on, but we do have a good life.
It felt like the start of our new life. Not the life we had planned, but a good life.
I had originally written:
It felt like the start of our new life. Not the life we had planned, but the life we have to live.
When I did my final proof read of the post I changed that last line. It sounded too sad and I didn't want to end on that note. I felt like "the life we have to live" statement accurately described how I felt, but it was so sad I didn't even like to read it myself. Why would anyone else enjoy reading it?
Thus, I wrote "a good life". I didn't necessarily feel connected to that line, but I wrote it. I posted the blog and started doing some thinking about "a good life".
Before all this began, Hugh and I would occasionally, usually out of nowhere, say to each other, "I love my life." It wasn't just a line we threw out. It was true. I have a great husband, a wonderful son, a warm house, a job I enjoy, etc. I loved my life. That changed when I found out Tripp was sick.
Yesterday after I wrote "a good life", I tried to go back to remembering all the good things and even though the worst thing has happened in our life, there is still plenty of good. My brother, Luke, commented on the blog from yesterday saying, "Even with what has happened the love the three of you have and the life your building together is not a good life it's an amazing life that people envy."
I made it my goal yesterday to remember the good and I had a better day. There were still tears and sad moments, but yesterday I didn't have an ugly cry moment.
When I saw pregnant woman and woman with small babies and the thought, it's not fair, popped into my head, I reminded myself that they didn't have what I wanted. They didn't have Tripp. I wouldn't trade their beautiful healthy baby for my beautiful sick one and I wouldn't trade a lifetime with their baby for the 5 days I had with Tripp. I was so lucky to have him even if for such a short time. There is no doubt in my mind that having Tripp was a good thing. Having Tripp was an amazing thing.
We are greiving and at moments we feel like we are just hanging on, but we do have a good life.
Luke couldn't have said it better Jord! He is absolutely right and I can say that because I am one of those people. Happy Birthday Calder! I wish I could have gone to Ikea for my birthday. Enjoy your trip. Love you!!
ReplyDeleteCourt
You and Hugh are both amazing people who deserve a great life. I am so glad that you recognize how lucky you are that Tripp was meant just for you. Tripp was so lucky to have you...he needed parents just like you. Now and forever!
ReplyDeleteBonnie S.
Hi Jordan,
ReplyDeleteI'm a friend of Becky Jenner and I've been following your story for a while now. I'm inspired by your perserverance and strength despite the circumstances.
I was on a forum today and saw this quote in one person's signature and thought you may find it inspiring in the same way I find your family's story inspriring. I think it describes your family as a whole, baby Tripp included. Its as follows:
You have to give up the life you planned, to see the life that's waiting for you.
~Nora Walker
I am amazed at how logical your thought can be when your emotions are so raw and how you're taking such a preemptive approach to maintain the defining foundation that is your relationship with Hugh and Calder. You guys have had and will continue to have an amazing life!
Thank you so much for blogging (literally) your heart out. It makes me appreciate all that I've been blessed with and not to take it for granted.
Melissa McMillan
Thanks everyone.
ReplyDeleteI love the quote, Melissa. I am going to add it to my list.