Honoring Tripp

This afternoon I have been doing a bit more thinking on suffering.  I can acknowledge that humans all suffer and that I am not immune to that suffering.  It doesn't make me less sad, but does comfort me a bit.  I will still be saying, "its not fair", but hopefully less than I did before.

"If I really love (the people I have lost), then I must fulfill their wishes with a calm mind. . . the best way to keep a memory of that person, the best remembrance, is to see if you can carry on the wishes of that person." The Dalai Lama (page 146)

After reading this, I began to wonder what Tripp's wishes would be.  Tripp would have wanted me to be a good mom.  I can't physically take care of him, but I can take care of Calder and in that way be a good mom.  Tripp would have wanted me to show him unconditional love and I can do this by remembering him and thinking about him with love.  I can't really think of any other wishes Tripp may have had, so I think I will do my best to find ways honor his memory.

Hugh and I tremendously appreciated all of the support we got from the facility and staff at the RUH NICU.  Because of this, we have signed up for monthly donations to the Saskatchewan Children's Hospital Foundation in Tripp's name.

We had the same hopes and dreams for Tripp as most parents have for their children.  We wanted him to be compassionate, empathetic, hardworking, caring and eventually we wanted him to grow into a productive member of society.  Since we are unable to help foster Tripp in these areas, we wanted to try and give another boy an opportunity to do this.  Through Plan Canada we have sponsored a child.  I don't have his name or even where he is from (Hugh closed the window with all the information. Thank goodness I saved the photo on our desktop or I wouldn't even have that to share!), but hopefully in the next week or two I can share that information with you!

I have really enjoyed lighting a candle each day in remembrance of Tripp and I will continue to do this.  I also will continue to share my story, which is in some ways is part of Tripp's story, on my blog.  Lastly, when the time is right, I would like to donate my time, in some way, in honor of Tripp's memory.

I feel like I've thought about suffering enough for today!  I have really found in the last 2 days that if I am tired, I am significantly more sad.  So, my goal tonight is to get a good night's rest.  Hopefully this will allow me the strength and state of mind I need to have a good day Monday!


  1. I think you are doing a more than phenomenal job at grasping/dealing/coping and coming to terms with what has transpired in your life. I can only hope that when a time of upheaval falls upon my life, I will be able to handle it with as much grace as you have, ugly cry and all ;) You are beautiful and I admire your strength.

  2. You are amazing! What a caring thing to do...sponsoring a child in memory of your dear Tripp. Sometimes, I worry and think that my life is going 'too well' and that surely, something aweful is going to happen to me....I almost a guilt feeling and definitely a lot of anxiety about this. Silly, eh? (Does anyone else ever feel this type of feeling.) I guess that's what the Dalai Lama is referring to...about preparing for sorrow....as no life is free from it...Preparing or not preparing won't make the time of sorrow any easier, I am guessing, but just knowing that all lives have sorrow in them as part of the journey is a good acknowledgement to have. I keep thinking of that Steve Martin movie called "Parents" where the grandmother asks, "Would you rather just ride the merry-go-round (which just goes round and round with the same view over and over) or would you like to experience the highs and lows of a roller coaster." I don't know. Often I feel bored...but then I remind myself that 'boring is good' sometimes. I am sure right now that you wish you didn't have to experience such a loss as a parent and I can't imagine your grief. Just know, that you are stronger than you realize and are inspiring to your readers. Sorry to ramble on!


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