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Choice

Yesterday, I made a choice when I got out of bed to have a good day.  Up until that moment, I would get up and hope to have a good day.  Hoping was not working, so for Hugh, Calder, and myself I made a conscience choice.



"I discovered I always have choices and sometimes it's only a choice of attitude." Judith M. Knowlton


Yesterday I chose to be happy.  I didn't have a plan on how I was going to do this when I woke up, but as the day progressed, I realized that I would try and do what Hugh has been doing.  When a thought about Tripp came into my mind, I didn't let myself dwell on it.  I pushed it to the side.


It worked.


There were times when it was hard.  In the late afternoon, I was finishing our 2010 photo book on iPhoto.  This meant I was looking through pictures from last year.  I spent half of 2010 pregnant.  I pushed out thoughts and battled for a bit, but then I just shut the computer and moved on to something else.

I have a book that I write important things into: our yearly financial goals, priority list of "big" things to purchase, birthday party to-do list, etc.  We are planning a little birthday party for Calder and I grabbed the book to look at the to-do list.  I opened the book and flipped directly to the list of baby names.  Tears welled up, but, as quickly as I could, I turned the page and moved on.

It was also hard before bed.  I feel like a broken record, but it is harder when I'm tired and I had a really hard time falling asleep.  I didn't have the strength to fight off the thoughts.  I didn't cry, but I couldn't stop myself from drifting to Tripp.

"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." Denis Waitley

I have to work at feeling better.  This might be the hardest work I have ever done.  Yesterday, was good and today I am going to choose to have a good day as well.


"Do not underestimate the power of positive self talk."  My Aunty Pat




I am not sure if I can push the thoughts out of my head day after day, nor am I sure I want to.  I actually wondered, as I laid awake in bed last night, if pushing the thoughts out of my head all day was the cause of all my thinking in bed.   This being said, today I am going to try and take my aunt's advice and think positively.  I don't really have a plan on how this is going to work, but I will let you know how I do with it.  I didn't have a plan yesterday and it went quite well!

Comments

  1. I received this e-mail the other day and your post reminded me of it:
    A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

    His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

    As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window. I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

    Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.'

    'That doesn't have anything to do with it,' he replied.

    Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time.

    Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

    Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away.. Just for this time in my life.

    Life is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.

    So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!


    'Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

    1. Free your heart from hatred.

    2. Free your mind from worries.

    3. Live simply.

    4. Give more.

    5. Expect less.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are doing some great reading, contemplating and processing your healing in your own individual way. It's hard work but you are taking little steps in the right direction.
    You may find it helpful to create an affirmation for yourself and post it in a visuable place where you can read it frequently. You will find that your affirmation will change as needed.

    I always end my affirmation with forgiveness and words that allow myself to release my past thought patterns or old limitations so I may move on and be open to new opportunities. Affirmations can be very powerful.
    Take care.
    Bonnie

    ReplyDelete

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