Picturing Saturday

I did some reading last night on the first anniversary of a loved ones death. It reminded me that it is better to have a plan than to just try and "wing" the day.

I started by emailing the Cupcake Conspiracy.

Months ago when the first thoughts of Tripp's birthday came swirling into my mind I knew that the one thing FOR SURE that we needed was cupcakes. Then a few weeks ago my niece, Maddy, was asking about Tripp's upcoming birthday. She said that we couldn't celebrate because he wasn't here. When I informed her that just because he wasn't here didn't mean we couldn't celebrate she had the brilliant suggestion to have purple cupcakes. Tripp's birthstone is amethyst and a few of the members of my family wear his birthstone, including Maddy.

I wanted to combine my favourite cupcakes from the Cupcake Conspiracy with Maddy's thoughtful suggestion so yesterday I emailed them (they were already closed for the day) and asked if they could put a small purple icing flower on each of the 6 cupcakes I ordered. I know there are only 3 of us, but I want to be prepared in case it is a 2 cupcake each kind-of-day!

I have also started to try and REALLY picture how I want Saturday to go. Some things know for sure:

1. I want to be with Hugh and Calder.
2. I want to go outside for a bit - maybe the zoo.
3. I want to visit Tripp's bench and leave a candle there.
4. I want to have my house filled with the warmth of glowing candles.
5. I want to light the candles on our front step and have them burning ALL day.
6. I want to do little or no cooking (pizza is a good fit for a birthday, I think).
7. I want to do some writing - I am not sure if I will post it, but I do want to have some quiet time.
8. I want cupcakes with purple accents.

It turned out that I had thought about this day enough to have planned some things without even really thinking about planning. There are still a number of hours in the day that I want to think about, but that is definitely a start.

• • •

I have already started to have friends and family ask us, "what can I do?"

After some careful thought and a conversation with Hugh, I think that the best thing you can do for us is to light a candle and keep Tripp close to your heart.

Unpredicatable

Tuesday 8:12 pm

My job can be exhilarating, fun, and rewarding.

My job can also be confrontational, stressful, and frustrating.

Everyday can have parts of both lists, but today was a lot of the 2nd list. As we approach the anniversary of Tripp's death I am finding myself to be a lot more angry at things and a lot more sad at things. Today at school my eyes filled with tears on 4 separate occasions. Some of the tears were out of frustration and some out of sadness.

At one point, as I sad with my elbows on my desk holding my head in my hands, one of my students said, "Mrs. Hamilton, you look stressed." I was stressed and I was thinking about Tripp. I kind of wished she would have asked why I looked that way. I might have shared Tripp with her in that moment. . .

I am going to snuggle on the couch with my Valentine and get to bed early.

Here's to a Wednesday filled with more stuff from the first list than the second. The great thing about my job is you can't predict how the day will unfold.

Happy Valentine's Day

Hugh and I fell in love in Florida in August 2005.

Hugh could not stop laughing about this our entire trip!

These people RENTED a cart to push their stuffed animals. They were super pumped when we asked if we could get a picture with them!

Hugh,

Loved you then. Love you now.

Love you forever.

J

A little bit of a lot of stuff

I would like to thank all of you.

In January the ads on my blog made $27.46. At the start of January I was excited because the ads had in December were set to make over $5. As Hugh just said, "at this new pace you could write a cheque to the Children's Hospital for over $300 at the end of the year." UNBELIEVABLE. The ads get 1 - 2 clicks a day, which surprises me. Very little clicking ads up to significant money. Since learning how easy it is to make money, I have been clicking on ads more often on blogs I enjoy. They might as well get paid for my viewing pleasure! Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you. 

• • •

Calder skiing in Fernie

If you are looking for winter wear, Sport Chek has all of their winter coats, ski pants and accessories (toques, mitts, etc.) on for 50% off. The Center location had some great Helly Hanson toddler coats. If we hadn't of forgotten Calder's winter coat when we went snow boarding at Christmas and had to buy a new one in Fernie, I would have totally picked of those up for him (CAN YOU BELIEVE WE DID THAT? We forgot his WINTER COAT. . . when we left town. . . in December. . . It is actually funny now, but at Christmas time I felt like a complete idiot. Well, I still feel like a complete idiot, but at least I am laughing while feeling like an idiot now.). Sport Chek online ships all purchases over $99 free, so if you have some things to get and aren't close to a Sport Chek, this could be a good option.

These are the only 2 photos I have of Calder skiing. This is a good reminder to me to get the rest from my brother's girlfriend, Brittney! Regardless, that coat is going to look GREAT on Calder next year!

• • •

The winners from my Competitive PartyLite Candle Party draws are Kim from the group that commented on my blog and Sarah from the group of people who attended the party! I have your votives here and will get them to you! Thanks for all the comments and all of you who made purchases at the party.

• • •

Hugh and I watched the movie Drive with Ryan Gosling. He is HOT, the movie is TERRIBLE. It got 9.3/10 on Rotten Tomatoes, but I absolutely hated it. It was gruesome and I couldn't even make myself like Gosling's character, because he only said 15 awkward words the entire 2 hours. If you are just looking to stare dreamily at Ryan Gosling, re-watch The Notebook instead.

• • •

It is less than one week until Tripp's birthday. For the last month I have been wondering and trying to predict how I would feel on the anniversary and even though I am now less than a week away, I have no clue how I am going to feel. I do know that Friday is going to be hard. Tripp was born on Friday, February 18 and although this journey started on the 18th, for me it started on the Friday. I am finding the last few days my tears are closer to the surface. I am used to crying, but I haven't cried this often for months.

Thursday in a tear soaked moment in front of Hugh and Calder this conversation took place:

Calder: Are you sad, Mommy?

Me: Yes, Calder I am.

Calder: Why Mommy?

Me: Because I miss Tripp. Do you remember where Tripp is?

Calder: No I don't.

Hugh: Tripp is in Heaven.

Calder: Heaven is far away.

Me: Yes, and a long time away too.

Happy Friday

I am actually writing RIGHT NOW! Usually I write in the evening and delay the publishing of the post until the morning. Yesterday was just too busy, so here I am!

I don't have time to write anything exciting, but if you have time to do some reading this morning check out my friend Daniele's blog. I lived with Daniele for a while when I lived in P.A. She is a delightful woman and a fabulous mother. Make sure you scroll down to look at her snow day photos. They are beautiful.

If you are a parent in and around Saskatoon you will want to check out THIS blog. It is a great place to find information about activities going on in the city. I was introduced to this wonderful blog when the author lost her daughter, Ava. Click on her blog tab if you want to read a bit about her family.

If you want to be inspired by generosity check out THIS post. I absolutely LOVE this blog and frequently find myself in awe of this woman and her ability to see things with such clarity and her ability to write with such conviction.

Enjoy your Friday!

p.s. Hugh's Birthday tomorrow.  My future self is pumped to celebrate with the love of my life and eat cupcakes!

One minute is better than no minutes

It has been a week of my future self vs my present self and I am definitely better for it. I have made lots of good choices for my future self like working through lunch to get "stuff" off my list and not having that extra helping of perigees.

I will say my future self didn't fair too well on the weekend. In fact, it lost just about every time. I ate junk food at the rink, hotdogs for supper, and I didn't do any work. I am not that upset about it though. It was the weekend. My hope is that my future self can start winning the occasional weekend battle.

One of the things I did this week was start a one minute work-out in the morning. The last few weeks I have really started to notice my lack of strength, so on Thursday morning my future self decided to get my present self's butt into gear. I did 10 sit-ups and 10 push-ups.

You guys - I cannot do 1 unassisted sit-up. It is BAD. I am happy to report (for my future self) that my present self is now doing 15 sit-ups (assisted- feet hooked under dresser so I can get some serious leverage) and 20 push-ups. I also added 5 burpees into the mix the last couple of days after some motivation from Courtney!

The last 2 nights I have added a 5 minute run in the evening to my exercise regime (is it a regime if it only lasts 6 - 7 minutes?). Before Christmas I was primed to start running in the evening. . . I even wore my pedometer for a couple of days to motivate myself and then I didn't run once. My future self was definitely helpful last night. I was exhausted and had parent calls to make along with keying an exam, but I knew I would be happier today if I ran!

I am going to continue to do my future self vs present self internal dialogue this week. I used to be REALLY into the one minute rule (not delaying any tasks around the house that could be done in one minute or less), but now that I have used the rule hundreds of times it just comes natural to pick things up as I go, or fold the laundry now, rather than later. I am hoping that all this self talk turns automatic for me too. I will be writing things down this week and will let you know how my mini-workouts are going.

This OR That

Occasionally, Hugh and I play the This or That game in the car.

Popcorn OR Peanuts?
Fork OR Spoon?
Hamburger OR Hotdog?
Blue ORGreen?
Car OR Truck?
Sardines OR Anchovies
Edmonton OR Calgary?
Summer OR Winter?
Rangers OR Islanders?
Dogs OR Cats?
Mustard OR Ketchup?


The key to the game is that you HAVE to pick one. You can't hem and haw and then try and make a case to just sit on the fence. It doesn't matter if you hate both choices or love them both, you have to choose ONE.

There are always surprises when we play and often there are minutes of conversation that follow each This OR That justifying why we picked the thing we did.

Hugh and I always take turns coming up with the This OR That. Sometimes our discussions will go on so long and get so off course that we forget who's turn it is!

I usually have to twist Hugh's arm to get him to play with me, but when I tell him it is either This OR That or Hum That Tune, he quickly comes up with the first pair of items!

In case you were wondering, I would pick Popcorn, Fork, Hotdog, Blue, Truck (my brother's), Sardines (gag), Calgary, Summer, Islanders (I like the orange on their jerseys), Dogs, and Mustard.