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Normal Part II

During our walk I sat on the swing while the boys played on the slide and thought about my last post.  I hope that the "normal" part didn't read as sad, because I didn't intend it to.

Normal is good.  In fact, it is really good.  I put it in quotations, because it is a word that is impossible to define.  "Normal" is different for everyone. The normal I was talking about was the "normal" of our life before Tripp.  We had a great "normal" life!  So when we are experiencing a bit of "normal" now, it really is great.

In my 23 years post I talked about how a number of women who have lost children have reached out to me (sad to think that I have connections to a number of women).  A couple of these woman have described the grief they experienced in similar ways.  One described it as a wave and the other a roller coaster.  I am sure these analogies not only apply to mothers who have lost babies, but to many people who have dealt with loss.

The friend who described it as a wave spoke about how at first the waves of grief were deep, wide, and frequent.  As time wore on their depth and width shrank and they became less frequent.  Her loss was over 20 years ago and I value her insight into what I am going through and what is still ahead.  There were days at the start where I told Hugh I couldn't imagine feeling better, but the grief of the first few days has already changed to a different grief and I assume in a few more weeks it will have changed again.  Until when some day, 20 some years from now, the grief will just be tiny spaced out waves.

So that is what our new "normal" is going to look like.


Roller Coasters.

I have felt guilt at times when I am enjoying a moment.  I felt guilty about not being sad.  This is slowly starting to change.  I know I can't be sad all the time.

As Hugh said to me one day, "don't feel guilty.  The sadness will come."  I think he meant exactly what these woman meant with their analogies. There are ups and downs.

I enjoyed the ups of today.


  1. Grief is exactly like waves, but the funny thing is that their pattern and intensity are so random and mysterious. It has been 6 months since my Mom passed, and these days the waves are infrequent and small...but occasionally a tsunami will occur out of nowhere, washing over me and reminding me of the loss. The pain will feel fresh again. Don't ever feel guilty for happiness, because the happiness does not diminish in any way the grief or the memory. Tripp wants you to be happy. We all want you to be happy.


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