Due Date

Today was the day I was going into labour.  Actually, I would have been quite happy going overdue, so I guess maybe today wouldn't have been the day, but it was the day the doctor's predicted.

Calder was born at 36 weeks 6 days.  He was about 12 hours away from being a full term baby in terms of time, but because of his size (5 pounds 7.5 ounces) they called him premature.  Calder ended up spending 1 night in NICU, solely due to the fact I was given morphine too close to the time I delivered.  Calder was a completely healthy newborn, just a bit small.  His size was a factor in the difficulties we had with breast feeding.  Between that, my tremendous supply and his crappy sucking, we didn't have much luck with it.  We were regulars at the Breast Feeding Center and Calder even saw a speech pathologist who gave us exercises to help him improve his latch and suck.  I wanted to have a different experience with my second pregnancy.  There was nothing I could do if this baby had a bad suck, but I knew what I was going to do about my supply and if I could get this baby full term (which would mean a bit bigger), I figured I would give us a better chance with breast feeding.  I was determined with this pregnancy to do everything in my power to have a full-term baby.

This pregnancy was almost identical to Calder's pregnancy.  I was lucky enough not to be nauseous, but the incredible number of Braxton Hicks contractions I had my entire pregnancy made me feel like crap.  You can read a little bit about that here.  In order to feel my best, I had to do nothing.  I sat to teach, I didn't exercise, I did very little at home, and I finished work at the end of January, so that I could keep my feet up and nap every day.  The doctor told me that the Braxton Hicks weren't harming the baby, but I figured that if I felt awful it couldn't be good for the baby. As soon as I had too much activity, I felt terrible.  So I did everything in my power to stay feeling well.

At times I feel like my body betrayed me.

I did EVERYTHING I could to keep my body in the best shape possible and it didn't protect Tripp.  I was supposed to be heading to the hospital today to have a full-term, plump, baby boy.  Sometimes, for a brief moment, I wonder if I ever was pregnant.  I still have physical reminders of the pregnacy. . . some weight and a scar, but in that brief moment, I don't remember those things.  I don't have a baby.  There are also moments I still think I'm pregnant.  In bed, I cannot bring myself to sleep on my stomach.  I stick to my sides even though I feel like I might be more comfortable on my belly.  I also haven't had any alcohol yet, which has been a conscious effort.

Today was the day everything was supposed to happen.  Today was the day I was supposed to get my perfectly healthy baby, Tripp.


  1. I am sorry Jordan, I can imagine today would be a more difficult day.
    5 lbs 7 oz is a perfectly healthy size! Especially for being born 3 weeks early! Emme was 5-11 and she was 4 days overdue and she was really healthy.
    Don't ever blame yourself, or your body. You did everything you could do and more. Sometimes there is just nothing we can do.


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