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First Day Back

This morning emotions hit me at the breakfast table.  I teared up, but wasn’t able to put to words how I was feeling.  As I drove into the city, it was more of the same tears and an abundance of emotion. When I pulled into the parking lot I wiped my tears, took a few deep breaths and headed to the office to collect keys and my laptop.  One of the kindest students at my school was in the office when I arrived.  A huge smile lit up her face when she saw me.  She ran over and gave me a hug. 

I had wanted some sort of acknowledgement from people when I came back to work.  I knew that everyone was thinking about me, but I guess, I greedily wanted to see it first hand.  I wanted hugs and I wanted words. I know that not everyone is comfortable with that kind of emotion, so I tried not to expect anything.  I got at least a half a dozen hugs and even more welcome backs.  It was so good.  I needed them.

It wasn’t until about the 3rd person asked me how I was feeling that I was able to finally put into words all the emotion I was feeling.  It wasn’t that my school, colleagues, students or work weren’t great.  I truly love all those things.  It was that I was supposed to be at home with my baby.  Once I realized where the emotion was coming from I felt better.  The reason seemed so obvious to me AFTER I figured it out.  Obviously, thinking clearly and emotional don’t mix for me. 

I took 2 boxes to school.  One labeled, TOP DESK DRAWER, and the other labeled, TEXTBOOKS.  I opened the TOP DESK DRAWER first to find something to write with and I found a Teacher’s Journal that my sister, Jes gave me years ago.  I read the last entry.

Day:  Tuesday                        Date: Jan. 25, 2011

The weather today is:  Beautiful High -5
In the school news today: Period 4 final. My prep day.
I feel good about:  Making the choice to be done work at semester break.  My body hurts.
I am concerned about: Not coming back to Bowman.
What I would like to see happen (foresight):  Carry this healthy baby full term.
People/students that touched my life:  Murray (co-worker in math dept.) told me the other day it was good to have made the decision to be done. “Like a weight being lifted.”
What I did to brighten someone’s day: I brought donuts and handed them out to teachers and office administrators.
Goals and ideas for a better tomorrow: Find more boxes to pack.

I cried. What a different place I was on January 25. "Carrying this healthy baby full term." Tripp was already so sick on January 25 and I didn't even know.

Day:  Monday                         Date: June 6, 2011

The weather today is:  Beautiful and sunny.  High +18
In the school news today: I am back at work. (I actually was mentioned in the weekly memo)
I feel good about:  Taking this next step being back at work.
I am concerned about: Holding my emotions together.
What I would like to see happen (foresight):  Today is survival.
People/students that touched my life:  Hugs from Teresa, Jen, Brennan, Emily, Ron, Katie, Kathy
What I did to brighten someone’s day: Today I am concentrating on me.
Goals and ideas for a better tomorrow: Get more organized so I can be more productive.

With that, I am off to find loose leaf, a binder and my space heater (I wore my coat all day and could have used some mini-gloves).

Comments

  1. Hi Jordan! You made it, your first day back and I can respect that it probably was a tough one for you. As I said before, I was so glad to see you back and I know lots of students and staff were. Let the warm wishes and hugs comfort you!
    Jennifer

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  2. I think that having to go back to work for a few weeks was probably a really good idea. This way you don't have the summer to worry about how people will respond or how you will handle the experience. Now you can relax in knowing that you have been thought of by your staff and students and have been through the 'firsts' of going back to work. I am glad that our employer has been so good to you for these weeks. That impresses me greatly and makes me proud to be a part of SPS. Try and enjoy the next few weeks to whatever degree you can and enjoy the sun!

    Stacey

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