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Back To Work

I am heading back to work on Monday.  Since Tripp died, I only get 15 weeks of maternity leave and Friday was the last day.  I am ready to get back to work.  There were times after Tripp died that I felt that I would never feel like doing anything again, let alone go back to work.  It wasn't until about the 2 month mark that I started thinking about what it would be like to head back to work and at the start of May I gave my notice.

My employer has been wonderful through everything.  Most recently, they have make my return to work as stress-free as they possibly could.  I will head back to school with 2 weeks left of classes and final exams.  Rather than giving me my 4 math classes back, the division has brought me back to my school as a resource for the math department.  I will be helping a group of students in each period who are selected by their teachers as needing some extra support.  We are hoping we can give a few students the extra bit of help they need in order to enable them to earn their credit.

Everyone has been asking me how I feel about going back to work and until right now, I haven't given it much thought.

I know I am going to miss Calder, ALOT.  I have been off work since the end of January and although Calder spend the 3 weeks before Tripp going to daycare, it has been a long time of the two of us together.  I am worried that the few gains I have made in my relationship with Calder will be lost.  I also worry that I won't get alone time with him.  I get to mother Calder when Hugh is at work during the day and I am going to miss kissing boo-boos and getting hugs before bed (Calder goes to Hugh for these things when he is around).

I worry about how people will react to me at school (students and staff). I wonder if they will mention Tripp or not. I wonder how I will react if I do. I wonder if relationships will have changed.

I also wonder what is going to happen with blogging.  I have needed this blog and I still need this blog. I am not going to have nearly as much free time during the day to play with my thoughts, worries, and sadness, let alone write them down.  I wonder how this will affect my healing.

One of the best things about my return to work is the timing.  If things are difficult for me, it will only be 3.5 weeks until the school year is over and I will then have the whole summer to reflect before I return in the fall.

I bought a new outfit and will be digging out my favorite pencils and calculator tonight.  I am ready.

Comments

  1. Good luck, Jordan. I'm sure Tripp is sending you a big congratulations for continuing on with one of your many talents - teaching. I think that Tripp is going to help you to become an even better teacher because you have gained so much patience, insight & compassion in all your heartache and soul-searching.

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  2. Good luck heading back to school Jordan. It is a good place to be... always keeps your mind busy and the kids are great. They will be glad to see you back.
    Thinking of you.
    Love Auntie Pat

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  3. We shall see you on Monday morning and you will be so welcome, although I am sure you will have tough moments. See you soon...
    Jennifer Speed

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  4. Have a great day Jordan. Please know there will be many of us thinking of you during the day sending you positive thoughts. I am so excited you are supporting the students in math.
    Therese

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  5. I will be thinking of you today too. May you find comfort in all the smiling faces you see.
    -a stranger who reads your blog

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  6. I hope you had a great day, although if there were moments of feeling like you needed to hide out in the teacher's bathroom, don't take it too hard. There will be less of those.
    Also, hope you keep up with your blog (even if you have to do it while Hugh is doing the dishes!), I don't think you realize how much you touch people with it. Sometimes I feel like a bad friend, because I have such limited experience with loss, but I feel prepared for when I eventually will, thanks to you. Love you lots. Wish there were math teachers here like you !!

    ader

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