In Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, the focus in February is “Remember Love” with the focus being on her marriage. As Rubin states, “ A good marriage is one of the factors most strongly associated with happiness.”
Hugh and I have a great marriage, but just like my desire to become a better person, I truly believe even great things can get even better if you work on them.
Rubin’s first task was to quit nagging. She thought she could tone down on her nagging by using fewer words to remind her husband of things. So for example, if she needed a letter mailed, she would put it by the front door and without having to say anything, her husband would mail it. She also tried just using one-word reminders. Rather than saying the what, why and where of getting the camera fixed, she would just yell, “camera” as her husband was on his way out, hopeful that her one word reminder would spark her husband to recall the what, why and where they discussed the night before. I really like these idea and am going to try and use them. I have also found in the last few weeks that if I email Hugh a request it is more likely to get done than if I say it. I don’t know if it is because he brain processes things better visually as to orally, or what, but I am going to continue doing this throughout the summer.
Hugh and I had a real breakthrough moment in the area of nagging a few months before Tripp was born. I was upset that things weren’t getting done and I was sick of nagging. Hugh told me at that time that I just needed to ask him to do the things that needed to be done and he would do them. I was awestruck. What was he talking about? I had been doing more than asking. I had been NAGGING him to complete tasks. I then asked a few key questions and from them found out that when I say, “we need to take out the garbage,” Hugh and I were taking 2 different meanings from this. I was meaning, “Hugh, take out the garbage,” (but was thinking I was saying it in a less bossy way by changing “Hugh” for “we”) and Hugh was thinking, “oh, I guess sometime, in the near or distant future, Jordan or I might have to take out the garbage.” This makes me think maybe I should add the book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, to my reading list. Since then, I have been phrasing my statements with “Hugh” at the front instead of “we” and even though I feel like I am bossier, I am rarely having to nag.
So with my nagging under control (in my eyesJ), I am going to focus more on my bossiness. Hugh does A LOT for me. And by A LOT I mean, A LOT. I am going to try in the next month to do more things for myself. My goal is going to be to complete the tasks I am capable of doing without asking for help. This might mean hanging a few pictures, taking out the garbage and recycling or getting a chair to get something off of a high shelf. I have never mowed the lawn, but if I really want it done and Hugh isn’t around. . .wait. . .never mind on that one. Pictures and high shelves—look out!
A girl This girl can really only do so much.