I Lost My Mind
Today, I lost my mind at Calder's nap time. He started to hit me when I picked him up to take him to bed. This happens on a daily basis at nap time and bedtime, but Hugh is usually here to intervene. Normally, Hugh will pull Calder away from me and we both talk to him sternly about his behavior. If Calder continues to raise his arm to hit me, he goes to bed without any hugs from daddy.
Today, Hugh wasn't here and when the hitting started I felt trapped. I could have just thrown Calder in the crib and I did think about doing this, but I needed to change his diaper. After the 2nd whap, I put him at arms reach. He then whapped me 2 more times. This is when I lost my mind. I hit him back. Not hard, of course, but nevertheless, I hit him. Calder then hit me again and in a moment of insanity, a hitting frenzy started. We went on, blow for blow, for about 5 hits. At this point, I snapped to my senses and started crying. I was upset I had whapped him, upset he had whapped me and upset that I didn't have Tripp.
You see, Calder is daddy's boy and Tripp was supposed to be a mama's boy. Whenever Calder refuses me in anyway, I am reminded I don't have Tripp.
I closed Calder's door and went into my sanctuary.
After I regrouped I came to the computer to read. I know that hitting Calder won't help stop his hitting (although, in my moment of insanity, it seemed like the only response) and I HATE that I did it. In the same breath, Calder's hitting is ridiculous. I know he is a toddler and as far as toddlers go, Calder is MUCH closer to the aggressive side of the spectrum than passive, so this is something I have to gather as much information as possible on so I can deal with it in the best way possible. I read a couple of blogs. The first, interestingly, was written today and is here. That blog then led me here.
Armed with a bit more information I have created a new game plan. When Hugh's around, I am going to stick to what we are doing. It seems to get results. Lately, with our system, Calder has made the choice to stop hitting, give me a hug and say sorry, rather than go straight to bed or get a timeout. When Hugh's not around and Calder hits, I am going to immediately put him in his crib. I am not going to cry. I am going to stay firm and tell him I don't like being hit. With Calder in the crib, I will be able to talk to him without getting hit and hopefully I can convince him to stop his behavior. Or, depending on the time of day, he will stay in his crib for bed (diaper change or no diaper change), and if its not bedtime, he will have a timeout in his crib. I know Calder hits out of frustration and I am going to do a better job of verbalizing to him why I think he is frustrated.
I was never in the running for best mother of the year, but that little episode could have put me on the worst list! Oy.
Today, Hugh wasn't here and when the hitting started I felt trapped. I could have just thrown Calder in the crib and I did think about doing this, but I needed to change his diaper. After the 2nd whap, I put him at arms reach. He then whapped me 2 more times. This is when I lost my mind. I hit him back. Not hard, of course, but nevertheless, I hit him. Calder then hit me again and in a moment of insanity, a hitting frenzy started. We went on, blow for blow, for about 5 hits. At this point, I snapped to my senses and started crying. I was upset I had whapped him, upset he had whapped me and upset that I didn't have Tripp.
You see, Calder is daddy's boy and Tripp was supposed to be a mama's boy. Whenever Calder refuses me in anyway, I am reminded I don't have Tripp.
I closed Calder's door and went into my sanctuary.
After I regrouped I came to the computer to read. I know that hitting Calder won't help stop his hitting (although, in my moment of insanity, it seemed like the only response) and I HATE that I did it. In the same breath, Calder's hitting is ridiculous. I know he is a toddler and as far as toddlers go, Calder is MUCH closer to the aggressive side of the spectrum than passive, so this is something I have to gather as much information as possible on so I can deal with it in the best way possible. I read a couple of blogs. The first, interestingly, was written today and is here. That blog then led me here.
Armed with a bit more information I have created a new game plan. When Hugh's around, I am going to stick to what we are doing. It seems to get results. Lately, with our system, Calder has made the choice to stop hitting, give me a hug and say sorry, rather than go straight to bed or get a timeout. When Hugh's not around and Calder hits, I am going to immediately put him in his crib. I am not going to cry. I am going to stay firm and tell him I don't like being hit. With Calder in the crib, I will be able to talk to him without getting hit and hopefully I can convince him to stop his behavior. Or, depending on the time of day, he will stay in his crib for bed (diaper change or no diaper change), and if its not bedtime, he will have a timeout in his crib. I know Calder hits out of frustration and I am going to do a better job of verbalizing to him why I think he is frustrated.
I was never in the running for best mother of the year, but that little episode could have put me on the worst list! Oy.
We're always learning, aren't we? Willis called me a name once, I think it was cheesepants or something like that and I replied with "no, you're a cheesepants" and stuck my tongue out at him. Yup, sometimes the child in us likes to come out.
ReplyDeleteI have done the same thing with Grady who is also a hitter. Actually, I have probably done it more than once. I am not proud of it but as parents we aren't perfect and we are still allowed to lose our cool every so often. Or I like to think that it is normal since it happens with me more than I like to admit :)
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is 25. When she was 2 she got a couple of spankings. She survived it. I hated doing it but it had to be done at the time. I don't feel bad. I never had to again, even when she was a teenager, she was never grounded or restricted in anyway because she was just a good kid. I have the greatest kid in the world and its because how she was raised. She doesn't even remember the spankings so don't worry about Calder. He will turn out okay because he has great parents and he is a good little boy!
ReplyDeleteBernie
Jordan, you are not alone! I have lost my mind numerous times with Chase. He hits me, pinches me, (bites Karlee but not me), and kicks me. He's gouged at my eyes, nose, mouth. He's pulled my hair. His tantrums are insane! There were times when I literally had to sit on him to get a diaper on him. I have smacked his hand, I have screamed back at him, I have cried along side of him and I have put myself in time out! You reacted as I would have! I can say I hope it doesn't happen again... but it likely will, so good luck and I hear ya!!!!
ReplyDeleteJordan - I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I read your blog! This very same sort of scene played out in my house a couple of months ago . . . I couldn't believe how insane and horrible I felt. In the end, I locked my little angel in his room and cried while he screamed at me a threw things around his room. It will pass, You are a great mom!
ReplyDeleteErin
...I forgot to mention that he NEVER hits or acts this way with his dad.
ReplyDeleteEJ
Go easy on yourself Jordan. I had a moment with Emme like this (not with hitting, but verbally). I spanked Emme and Jaiden both a couple times when they were toddlers and they don't harbour any resentment for it (it rarely happened and we can all agree now that they defintely had a spank coming when it happened). Actually we had a friend here for the wkend and yesterday we were all talking about our childhoods and discipline and we all could concur that our parents were a lot more physical in that department. None of us harbour any ill feelings towards our parents and all have great relationships (Kevin idolizes his Dad and apparently he was the hard spanker. lol).
ReplyDeleteI think your plan with Calder sounds good. I would not even speak to him after he hits actually. I would just put him in crib and walk away. That way he is not getting any attention (neg or pos) for that terrible behaviour. You do not deserve to be hit by him, and he seriously needs to have firm consequences for that behaviour. Explain it to him at a non heated time, tell him what is going to happen and most importantly, be consistent every time.