A Friend of a Friend of a Friend

As I pulled Calder out of the tub tonight, I bubbled into tears. Did this really happen to ME?  Did Tripp really die?  How could this have happened? After I had him dressed, he handed me and my tear stained face, Ella, his favorite stuffed toy, and closed me in his room.  I took a few minutes in a make-shift sanctuary and released some grief.  It felt good, but tonight it didn't make me feel better.

I remember sitting with my friend, Danielle, at Earls about a month after Tripp died.  She said to me, "things like this happen to a friend of a friend of a friend, they don't happen to me or my friends."  I agreed.  I had 2 friends who had friends that lost babies while I was pregnant with Tripp.  I thought this made me immune to losing my baby.  Babies don't die. . .okay, rarely die, and since I have heard of someone else losing theirs, I couldn't lose mine.

On the weekend a really good friend, Ader, told me of a friend's friend who lost her baby late in the 2nd trimester. She delivered the baby and has subsequently been grief stricken. When Ader heard this from her friend she was lost for words, so she didn't say anything.  Instead, she wrote her friend's friend a letter expressing her profound sadness at the news of the woman's loss.

I felt sadness for the woman when Ader told me that.  She lost her baby. She may have heard of me, a friend of a friend of a friend, and thought she was safe.


  1. Dear Jordan,
    I am so sorry you are feeling sad and having an extra hard evening. A big hug is sent your way. Take care.
    Shelley F.

  2. This post really hit home with me. I felt the same way when I got pregnant. I too knew personal friends and friends of friends who had lost children and had miscarriages, I thought "what are the chances of it happening to me too?" "Things like this don't happen to me" Well...they do. Knowing people who had gone through it too and talking to them about it didn't make me feel better, it just made me more sad because so many couples have gone through the pain too.

    Your blog means so much to me Jordan, thank you for writing it.

    Jodi K.


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