Skip to main content

Tripp's Color

Last night, Calder and Hugh sad on the couch watching the hockey game and eating a snack.  I curled up on the love seat with my book.  I was sad.  I had been doing a bit of surfing on the internet and between a few baby photos on Facebook and a couple of somber blog posts, I found myself sluggish and depressed.

Calder thoughtfully brought me the blanket Hugh was laying with.  I guess I looked cold.  He grabbed an armful of cars and squeezed his way on to the love seat beside me.  We exchanged a few words and a kiss.  I continued reading my book and Calder began to run his cars over my belly, chest and up on to my shoulders.  As Calder babbled away, a word caught my attention. . . Tripp.  


I have a necklace that Deena gave to me that has each of the boys birthstones.  The first time Calder took an interest in it I told him that the blue one stood for Calder and the purple one stood for Tripp. It didn't take long before I could ask him whose was whose and he could regurgitate what I had told him.  It didn't seem meaningful.  It felt like one of those "tricks" you teach your kids (or pets) to entertain yourself and others.  

It was different last night.  Calder brought it up Tripp on his own.  Tears started welling up in my eyes as I realized he was pointing to the purple stone and saying, "Tripp's color."  I glanced over at Hugh, but I couldn't make prolonged eye contact.  I was barely holding it together.  Tears started running down my cheeks.  It is hard to explain the emotions I was feeling.  I want Calder to know about Tripp, but it makes me sad that the only thing he knows is that the purple stone on my necklace is Tripp's.  Calder was supposed to have a brother who was annoying and the best all at the same time. He was supposed to have Tripp to complain about Hugh and I with and shoot pucks on in the backyard. 

As I tried to organize my emotions and get them together, Calder delicately, with the back of his tiny closed fist, wiped the tears that ran down my face.  He asked me if I was sad and I told him the truth.

Comments

  1. Wow. This post has left me breathless and in tears. Your eldest little boy is such a tender, loving soul and it makes me so sad to know that he's missing out on his relationship with his brother, too. Hugs to you Jordan, that's all I can offer right now. Words just don't seem enough.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Nicknames

All of Hugh's hockey buddies call him "Hammy".

Hugh has been calling Calder "Ham" for a long time. I can't even remember when it started.

Calder started calling Boone "Bean" when he first came home from the hospital. That evolved into "Boone Dog", "The Dog", and just simply, "Dog".  Boone is not a fan of nicknames. Often after we use one of his he will say, "I not Da Dog, I just Boone." Hilarious.

Boone has called Lawson "Dawsie" from about month two. (He called her "baby" for the first two months.) Last week Boone called her Lawson for the first time ever. It took a long time for him to put the "L" on Lawson. He would repeat after us "La La La La, Dawsie". He has said "Lawson" twice since the momentous occasion last week, but I think he got too much attention for using it and has moved back to "Dawsie". "Dawsie" likely isn't going any…

What I'm wearing

After my Simons' flop, I recently picked up three pairs of jegging capris at Costco. I think they were about $16 each. I got them in grey (above), teal (also above), and white. I absolutely love them and have been wearing them like crazy. My favorite of the two outfits is the bottom one. The jean jacket is Mavi and I HIGHLY recommend it. In fact, I recently bought another. Exact same style, different wash. This jacket was recommended by both Deena and Christy, so you really can't go wrong. The scarf is one I picked up this spring (Gap). I heart orange and teal. Last week I mentioned trying to define my signature look and that bottom one pretty much encapsulates it. . .
And here it is again. LOVE this one too. Cardigan and scarf are recent purchases along with the grey tee (Old Navy). Jeans are old (American Eagle) and shoes are old (Nine West). I can't wait to recreate this one!
These. Jeans. (Gap). I can't get enough of them. I wore them to professional development o…

Calder Update

Has Calder ever gotten into sports the last couple of months!?! Below he is at a Rush lacrosse game with Hugh and his buddy Kohen. Calder has been watching baseball, lacrosse, and now the hockey playoffs like crazy. In fact, he has stopped asking to watch any of his "shows". He just wants to watch sports. Oh. . . and add NASCAR to that list. Our boy loves his cars. I don't think that will ever change!

Here is Calder's funniest shark tooth yet. His permanent tooth pushed through in front of his baby tooth!  It was like this for weeks. No gap toothed grin for this boy! Below is the day it fell out!
Calder is doing so well in school. His teacher speaks of what a great student he is. Hearing her say these things actually makes me wish he used a few more manners and a bit more kindness at home! LOL. But, if he is going to be on his best behavior somewhere, I want it to be when we aren't around. Although it was great to hear about Calder's learning successes at pa…