Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?

Today, we went to Indigo Books.  A colleague of Hugh's was involved with a book reading and we wanted to go check it out.  Immediately upon entering the store, Calder beelined to the train set.  The first book I glanced at as I trailed him was I love you, Forever by Robert Munsch.  Tears welled up in my eyes.  I pictured the mom in the story being rocked by her son as he says good-bye to her.  I won't get that with Tripp.  I rocked him while I said good-bye.  I squeezed back my tears and turned my attention to the Dr. Seuss books on display to the right.  We have a number of board Dr. Seuss books for Calder and I wanted to look check out the larger, paper versions.  Eventually, I picked up a book that I hadn't read before, Did I Ever Tell You How Lucky You Are?.

It's a troublesome world.
All the people who're in it
are troubled with troubles
almost every minute.

Just tell yourself, Duckie,
you're really quite lucky!
Some people are much more. . .
oh, ever so much more. . .
oh, muchly much-much more
unlucky than you!
                              -Dr. Seuss

I know I am lucky.  There are so many things I could list to illustrate that, but today, regardless of the fact that I know I am lucky, I don't feel lucky.

Mother's Day is looming.  In fact, I have been avoiding even thinking about it.  Part of me doesn't want it to be a big deal.  Not knowing how I will feel tomorrow has been weighing on me.  I don't want it to be like the monthly anniversaries of Tripp's death, because those days are tremendously sad, but I know that it very well could be.  I even avoided purchasing Mother's Day cards for our moms and grandmas until today.  But just like the 23rds of each month, I can't avoid tomorrow.  It will come whether I want it to or not.

As I perused Indigo, I felt sad for myself.  I will not have both my son's with me on Mother's Day.  But as sad as I felt, I also knew I was lucky.  As Dr. Seuss teaches, there are people who have more troubles than me.  There are moms who don't have any children with them on Earth.  I have Calder.  I am lucky.  I know it.  Calder will give me a hug and Hugh will prompt him to say, "I love you."

My hope is that I feel lucky tomorrow.


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