New Daycare
This morning Calder and I went for coffee at his new daycare. It only took Calder about 5 minutes to warm up to the kids and he didn't want to leave an hour later. I could list you all the things that made me realize M was the one (I will just call her M, because I don't know if she wants her name on my blog), but here are the main 2.
1. Two of our neighbors, whom we respect, take their kids to M and RAVE about her.
2. The way she interacted with her son (kindergarden age) was exactly how I strive to interact with mine. They spoke to each other with respect. Her son listened to her when she explained "why" he couldn't do certain things. She never had to raise her voice for him to follow her instructions. They laughed together.
Before I went to M's this morning I prepped myself to tell Tripp's story. I thought she might ask why I was on leave and if she didn't, I thought it best to tell her (it felt right that she should know). She didn't ask, so I explained why I was on leave. I used about 8 - 10 sentences to explain what happened to Tripp and when I was done I felt like those few sentences didn't fully explain the loss. Those 8 - 10 sentences were the facts. There wasn't any emotion in them and, because of that, I wondered if she knew the grandness of the loss I felt. I wondered if she understood how deeply Tripp was loved. Would she just know because she is a mom, or would she wonder because I didn't show more emotion. I left her house feeling like the way I told his story wasn't the right way. It kind of felt like I didn't honor Tripp's memory properly.
I don't feel bad about how the conversation went, nor do I feel bad that I might not have honored Tripp's memory in the way I would have liked. I am just learning how to be a bereaved parent and I know I am not going to get it all right on the first try. I am just going to have to do some thinking on how to better explain Tripp's story and the impact he had on our lives, so that I feel like I can fully explain the depth of the love and the depth the loss.
1. Two of our neighbors, whom we respect, take their kids to M and RAVE about her.
2. The way she interacted with her son (kindergarden age) was exactly how I strive to interact with mine. They spoke to each other with respect. Her son listened to her when she explained "why" he couldn't do certain things. She never had to raise her voice for him to follow her instructions. They laughed together.
Before I went to M's this morning I prepped myself to tell Tripp's story. I thought she might ask why I was on leave and if she didn't, I thought it best to tell her (it felt right that she should know). She didn't ask, so I explained why I was on leave. I used about 8 - 10 sentences to explain what happened to Tripp and when I was done I felt like those few sentences didn't fully explain the loss. Those 8 - 10 sentences were the facts. There wasn't any emotion in them and, because of that, I wondered if she knew the grandness of the loss I felt. I wondered if she understood how deeply Tripp was loved. Would she just know because she is a mom, or would she wonder because I didn't show more emotion. I left her house feeling like the way I told his story wasn't the right way. It kind of felt like I didn't honor Tripp's memory properly.
I don't feel bad about how the conversation went, nor do I feel bad that I might not have honored Tripp's memory in the way I would have liked. I am just learning how to be a bereaved parent and I know I am not going to get it all right on the first try. I am just going to have to do some thinking on how to better explain Tripp's story and the impact he had on our lives, so that I feel like I can fully explain the depth of the love and the depth the loss.
Hey Jordan
ReplyDeleteIm sure as a mom M would just know how great of a loss Tripp was. I also think Tripp would have felt proud of his mommmy for being so strong....and not that you hadnt honored him properly. Like you said you are learning how to be a parent that has lost a child.
Thats great that Calder enjoyed it so much. Makes me sad to think my little buddy is going to someone else house for daycare..but happy that you found a good place for him.
Hi Jordan,
ReplyDeleteI think you are falling into the trap again of trying to be the bereaved parent that you think other people want you to be. Really, you don't learn how to be one, you just are. And I would not think twice about wondering if you put enough emotion into your sentences about Tripp. M sounds like a great mom, and there is not a mom in the world who would not immediately feel your loss, without you spelling it out to her. Just be your own supermom self, and Tripp's memory will always be honored at the highest level.
love ya!
ader