Right Where I Am

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I still think, "What if Tripp were here?" 

I wonder if I would have went to Hugh's hockey game this weekend if I had him, I wonder if I would be managing back at work with two kids, and I wonder what kind of brother Calder would be.

I still get sad. Lots. 

I just live with it. I blink back tears in conversations and save them for another time. I light candles and candles and more candles.

I still feel lonely.

I can be around dozens of people or just Hugh and Calder and I can feel like I am all by myself. Periods of loneliness are part of my grief.


I still think, "I can't believe Tripp died."

There are lots and LOTS of positive things in my life. I just don't feel like writing about them today. I just feel like wallowing. So that's what I'm doing.





Comments

  1. KarenMarch 19, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    I am trying to embrase my sadness. It is part of who I am. I doubt it will go away. So I try to make remembering Oliver and getting sad feel normal. So that I can include it in my day without it taking over my day. Seems to be working ok for now. Maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownMarch 19, 2012 at 8:41 PM

    Sadness is part of who I am too, Karen. I like that you are trying to embrace it. I also like that it seems to be ok for now. maybe. I can definitely relate to that.

    ReplyDelete

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