Right Where I Am

I still think, "What if Tripp were here?" 

I wonder if I would have went to Hugh's hockey game this weekend if I had him, I wonder if I would be managing back at work with two kids, and I wonder what kind of brother Calder would be.

I still get sad. Lots. 

I just live with it. I blink back tears in conversations and save them for another time. I light candles and candles and more candles.

I still feel lonely.

I can be around dozens of people or just Hugh and Calder and I can feel like I am all by myself. Periods of loneliness are part of my grief.

I still think, "I can't believe Tripp died."

There are lots and LOTS of positive things in my life. I just don't feel like writing about them today. I just feel like wallowing. So that's what I'm doing.


  1. I am trying to embrase my sadness. It is part of who I am. I doubt it will go away. So I try to make remembering Oliver and getting sad feel normal. So that I can include it in my day without it taking over my day. Seems to be working ok for now. Maybe.

  2. Sadness is part of who I am too, Karen. I like that you are trying to embrace it. I also like that it seems to be ok for now. maybe. I can definitely relate to that.


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