Right Where I Am

-
I still think, "What if Tripp were here?" 

I wonder if I would have went to Hugh's hockey game this weekend if I had him, I wonder if I would be managing back at work with two kids, and I wonder what kind of brother Calder would be.

I still get sad. Lots. 

I just live with it. I blink back tears in conversations and save them for another time. I light candles and candles and more candles.

I still feel lonely.

I can be around dozens of people or just Hugh and Calder and I can feel like I am all by myself. Periods of loneliness are part of my grief.


I still think, "I can't believe Tripp died."

There are lots and LOTS of positive things in my life. I just don't feel like writing about them today. I just feel like wallowing. So that's what I'm doing.





Comments

  1. KarenMarch 19, 2012 at 11:27 AM

    I am trying to embrase my sadness. It is part of who I am. I doubt it will go away. So I try to make remembering Oliver and getting sad feel normal. So that I can include it in my day without it taking over my day. Seems to be working ok for now. Maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownMarch 19, 2012 at 8:41 PM

    Sadness is part of who I am too, Karen. I like that you are trying to embrace it. I also like that it seems to be ok for now. maybe. I can definitely relate to that.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

4 hours off

-
Image
Calder missed nailing our baby's arrival by 4 hours. Boone James Hamilton was born at 3:59 this morning. Boone is doing well. We got back some positive test results today and will hopefully get the remaining few tomorrow. He gets to spend the night with us and at this point that is all we can ask!
Read more

Another embarassing one

-
Image
On Tuesday, I had this brilliant post formulated in my head. Then just before supper the power went out. Although the internet went down with the power, I still could have just written it on the computer to publish in the morning. Instead, I took full advantage of a sick child (who slept on the couch most of the evening) and a husband who was in the city (at his Grade 8's Farewell). I read. And also did some texting. But mostly I read (There was a moment that I thought I should conserve the power on my cell phone in case it the power took its sweet time coming on, but it was short lived. I figured that I could always go charge it in the van. Hugh was glad that it didn't get to that. He pictured me not getting the garage door open (I would have had to have manually open since there wasn't any power). Then he pictured me sitting in the van dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. I wish he would have given me a little more credit when this elaborate daydream was running t...
Read more

Guest Post Luke: Men at Ikea

-
Image
     I've recently been blessed with 2 trips to Ikea in the last 3 months, and with a lot of time on my hands while in Ikea I came to notice a few similarities in all the men walking around there.   As I was taking notes on every man I saw, and mostly myself , I came up with different types of guys and what their role was with their significant other.          The first guy, who I believe to be the most common, is "The Turn Back Man".  This man believes that, just like in racing, if he stays in front of his significant other he can use drafting to increase her speed and keep her on track.  This never works and he subsequently becomes the "Turn Back Man".  He is constantly 4 steps ahead and turning back over and over when SHE sees something else they "might" need.  It is tough, because when entering Ikea men want to do as little walking as possible, but this has us taking even more steps. It is the slight chance that ...
Read more