A Little Closer to Heaven

-










I have had a couple of sad days. Not the kind that are sad from the moment you wake up until the moment your head hits the pillow, more the kind of sad with multiple moments that bring you to tears.

On Monday night I visited Tripp's tree and bench. I needed to be with him. I crouched down and let my hand trace the letters of his name on the memorial stone. The candle was gone. Melted away. I have the new one on our step freezing as I type. I have said it before, but I just feel closer to Tripp when I am outdoors. There are no walls between me and heaven. I cried as I crouched there and told him how much I miss him.

When Hugh and I visited our counsellor, Brad, before Christmas I shed tears as I told him what we were going to do over the holiday. For me the mountains are majestic. I have always felt in awe around them. I knew seeing them would give me comfort. I knew that of all the places I could go outdoors, the mountains were where I would feel closest to Tripp. Brad told me that he wanted me to take a moment on the mountain and grieve for Tripp.

The moment came on the most beautiful day on the prettiest run we snowboarded. It was a winding, flat run and everyone in our group had passed me trying to maintain some speed. I got tired from pushing my board and unstrapped both boots. As I stood up and looked around I knew my moment had arrived. I wish I had had a camera to capture the beauty, but I don't think I will forget. I was all alone on that narrow run. Trees sagging with snow. I sobbed.

These are some of the pictures that my sister's boyfriend, Nate, took that day. And as beautiful as they are, they don't quite capture what I saw.

All of this record breaking warm weather has been amazing, but I am looking forward to getting Tripp's new ice candle in is place.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

4 hours off

-
Image
Calder missed nailing our baby's arrival by 4 hours. Boone James Hamilton was born at 3:59 this morning. Boone is doing well. We got back some positive test results today and will hopefully get the remaining few tomorrow. He gets to spend the night with us and at this point that is all we can ask!
Read more

Another embarassing one

-
Image
On Tuesday, I had this brilliant post formulated in my head. Then just before supper the power went out. Although the internet went down with the power, I still could have just written it on the computer to publish in the morning. Instead, I took full advantage of a sick child (who slept on the couch most of the evening) and a husband who was in the city (at his Grade 8's Farewell). I read. And also did some texting. But mostly I read (There was a moment that I thought I should conserve the power on my cell phone in case it the power took its sweet time coming on, but it was short lived. I figured that I could always go charge it in the van. Hugh was glad that it didn't get to that. He pictured me not getting the garage door open (I would have had to have manually open since there wasn't any power). Then he pictured me sitting in the van dying of carbon monoxide poisoning. I wish he would have given me a little more credit when this elaborate daydream was running t...
Read more

Moments

-
Yesterday afternoon, Hugh and I made the hardest decision that any parent has to make.  We decided to let Tripp go. We got to hold our baby, rock our baby, sing to our baby, and be caregivers for our baby for 13 hours. At 6 am this morning he was welcomed into the arms of God.  We feel good knowing he will be looked over by my Grandpa Vince and Hugh's Grandma Margaret. This was the hardest and saddest day of our lives, but it also contains some of the best moments of our lives. Thank you for all your messages, texts and comments.  You will never know how much they meant to us over the course of the last 5 days. We felt loved.  Tripp felt loved.
Read more