Just Jordan

We have had a fabulous morning with Calder. He was SO excited and happy. But still, I look around the scattering of toys and it feels like we only have half the number we should. It is going to be a good day, filled with phone calls, family, and love. Merry Christmas.

On my way home from work last Friday, in the midst of an ugly cry, I turned the radio off. I couldn’t listen to report after report of kids and teachers being shot. I have a son who will be starting kindergarten in a couple of years. I have a husband who works at an elementary school. I know what it’s like to lose a child. It was all too much for me. And after reading a few Facebook statuses when I got home, I realized it was all too much for many of us. Hugh and I couldn’t watch the news on the weekend and I could barely get through the paper on Sunday. Avoiding reports on the shootings has been impossible. Monday on my drive home from work, once again, the news brought thoughts of the shooting to the forefront of my mind. For the first time I let myself imagine what it would be like if the shooting had happened in Hugh’s school. For a brief moment, I considered talking to Hugh about what I wanted him to do if that ever did happen. You see, I would want him to lock his office do...

One more reason it feels like Christmas. Our annual trip to the Lawson Height's mall to get a picture with Santa. I love that you get to snap your own photo and that it is the same man every year. . . 2010  2011

Making the final meal plan and grocery list for our Christmas hosting duties. Watching  National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. Favorite scene: Clark pulling the station wagon under a semi. Wrapping ALL the gifts! I wrapped 17 boxes. Hugh wrapped one. And then wrapped that one in another box. Which promptly got wrapped in another box and another box. Until what started as a monster truck for Calder turned into a toilet box sized Russian stacking doll. Finishing the last of the Christmas decorating touches in the basement. Having the days left of work countdown at 5! In related news, Calder told me on Sunday I looked like Santa. Thankfully he added "Because you have glasses." That didn't stop Hugh from adding, "And she has a big belly."

I read the first chapter in the book, Nurture Shock , by PO Bronson and Ashley Merryman, titled "The Inverse Power of Praise". It really has me thinking about the words I use with Calder. The book talks about an experiment that was done by Dr. Carol Dweck. Children were given a puzzle that they were capable of doing. After completing the puzzle, one group were praised for being smart and the other group were praised for working hard. The students were then given a choice for the next task, one being a harder puzzle and the second being a puzzle with a degree of difficulty similar to the first. Ninety percent of the students praised for effort chose the harder puzzle. Most of the kids praised for being smart choice the easy puzzle. I know which puzzle I would hope Calder to choose. . .  After the first two rounds of the experiment, the researchers conducted a third round. Here the test was made extremely difficult so that all the children in the experiment could experience...

It is Christmas letter time at the Hamilton residence. Last year we didn't write one, but both Hugh and I feel we are up for the task once again this year. We usually try to make our letters informative and funny at the same time. Well, Hugh and I think we're funny. I am not sure how the recipients of our letter feel! Hugh and I have quite a bit of fun writing them together. If you want to read some great exerpts from Christmas letters check out THIS post from www.peopleiwanttopunchinthethroat.com . It is a good reminder about "Too much information"! Here's one of my favorites: Desmond  had to undergo surgery for his colon.  He has diverticulitis and can't eat popcorn anymore.  After surgery, he had to walk around with a colostomy bag. Poor Desmond. Not only no popcorn, a poop bag as well. Hugh and I get a Christmas card every year from a great aunt. We keep her cards in a special file and when the holiday season hits, we pull them out. ...

We spent most of the weekend working in the basement doing our renos, but we still managed it squeeze in my nephew Pace's birthday party, an Elks hockey game, and a skate. Uncle Luke got a double minor on Saturday (not atypical! lol). In Shellbrook you can walk right into the penalty box, so of course Calder wanted to walk around and say hi. Luke had barely stepped back onto the ice when Hugh, obviously feeling like he was missing out, got himself 2 minutes for cross checking! It was all smiles for Calder before stepping onto the ice with his buddies Dylan and Willis (Willis was already heading out on the ice!). Calder left in a , "I am so overtired from staying up late at the Elks game" bawl-fest! We will try again next weekend!

If you are planning on making a charitable donation this holiday season, you might want to have a read! Conexus is matching all donations to the Children's Hospital Foundation of Saskatchewan for the holidays. Click HERE to go the Children's Hospital donation page. To have Conexus match your donation all you have to do is click on the comments box and enter, "Conexus" on the donations' page. Until December 10th, you can donate to hundreds of charities through  Canadahelps.org  and receive 5% cash back in your Paypal account when you pay for your donation with Paypal. A coworker mentioned that his church was even listed on this website!  I recently found a way to donate straight to Dr. Whitington (He is the doctor who has done all the research on Neonatal Hemochromatosis). The link is HERE . You will see the name Kelly Hiles in the In Honor of/ In Memory of box. She recently put together a HUGE golf fundraiser (she lives in Australia!) raising over $20 000...

I have heard lots of complaints about the snow in the last week. You won't hear me complain about snow. Ever. Keep in mind I don't shovel our driveway ;-) On Sunday when Brittany was putting up our decorations snow started falling. We had Christmas tunes playing and were decorating our tree, but it was the snow that made it feel most like Christmas. Calder loves playing outside in the soft stuff. You should see the fort he made with Hugh in the backyard and his extended slide off our deck. Mount Hamilton is looking large on our front lawn and the hill in North Hills Park is covered with a brand-new blanket. Freshly fallen snow BEGS to be played in. Just the thought of packing up our snowboards and heading to a hill gives me a rush of excitement. There is nothing like a soft layer of newly fallen snow under your board. And what about the excitement surrounding a snow day? I know. They NEVER happen here. To my knowledge in Saskatoon there was one and it was 6 years ago. E...

Most mornings I eat my peanut butter toast at the bathroom sink while I get ready. It never seems like I have time to sit-down and eat, so in the morning eating on the go has become my norm. Yesterday morning I was so exhausted when I woke up, I decided I needed a treat for breakfast. Really stepping out of my box, I added some honey to my peanut butter toast! Not surprisingly, Calder immediately noticed that my toast was looking significantly more delicious that it usually does. Because of this, he decided that my treat should be his breakfast. Calder stood on the toilet and visited me while he devoured my toast. It was a fun change in my routine, but I think yesterday will be a one-time only deal after the series of events that transpired. • Calder tipped the toast plate off the counter sending it crashing to the floor. In an attempt to save his toast, he caught it on the side of our counter with the back of his hand, covering his hand with peanut butter and honey gooeyness. Cal...

I got my house decorated (well, the upstairs anyway - we are still renovating the basement). I actually shouldn't say "I" got it decorated. Most of the work was done by my sister-in-law to be, Brittany. I really don't feel well when I get too busy so, Brittany grabbed the bull by the horns on Sunday. For the most part, I sat on the couch, drank hot chocolate and directed traffic :-) Calder was VERY excited about the decorations and was quite the little helper, pulling item after item out of the Christmas tubs. As Calder pulled each item out, he would immediately comment, "Look at this one, Mom!" He would then stack each item on top of each other on the rocking chair! From one pile to another! Calder actually did a terrific job of hauling different Christmas ornaments to various areas of our house. I definitely made note of his enthusiasm. I am sure there will come a time when he complains, "Do I have to help?"! We also had Brittany take o...

Last night Calder had his first gymnastics class. I was worried he would be glued to my side and too shy to join the rest of the kids, behaviours we have dealt with in the past , but apparently the worry was all for not. His coach said,  "Follow me" and before I could wave good-bye, Calder was gone! Calder's class was a bit chaotic (to say the least). His teenage coach immediately apologized for his assistant's absence, stating "She was too tired to come." There were six 3 - 4 year olds in Calder's group. If I had to guess it was about 3 too many for one teenage boy to handle on his own. Poor kid! It was all I could do to sit on the sidelines and watch this well meaning teenage boy get his show run by a bunch of toddlers. He was trying so hard to get them to cooperate, but just didn't have the management skills to get a rambunctious group of kids under control.  I wanted to approach him and tell him I have my level 1 gymnastics coaching certifi...

Yesterday, was hump day. I am now officially over 1/2 way done my treatments! I have been finding that water is key for me. If I can stay saturated, I can usually keep the headaches at bay. Even in the days following my treatments if I feel an IVIG headache coming on (they start in my forehead) and I drink water, I can usually keep them at bay. I do find that the treatments really take a lot of energy out of my, though. Thursdays and Fridays are challenging days for me. Just. So. Tired. Yesterday was the first day I felt tired of the treatments. I am sure it has to do with being tired in general, but I am finding whatever novelty there was of rushing to the hospital on Wednesday mornings  is wearing off. I do keep busy on Wednesdays, though. Shopping, knitting, making lists, watching videos, chatting on the phone, and the occasional catnap keep the day flowing by at a steady pace. Having visitors has also been awesome. Especially when they bring me lunch or a treat (the turke...

My friend Deena's post on Monday got me thinking about the value of friendship - and about how that value increases as we age. My mom and dad have a group of friends. The EXACT kind of group I want to have when my kid(s) are off on their own. They call themselves 501. Makes me smile to think their group has a name! 501 (pronounced 5-oh-1) comes from 5:01 pm. It started with a group of men meeting for a drink after work and has grown into a fabulous group of people, men, women, single, widowed, and those like my mom and dad, married, who gather together to share commradery and laughs. They still meet for a drink after work, but it has turned into a Friday night tradtion. In fact, even in the summer, my parents will drive into town from the lake to attend 501. I think the best part about this group is that they have invested more than just time to meet up at the bar for a drink. They have seen each other through children's weddings and the births of grandchildren. They bee...

This year when I heard the first Christmas ads immediately following Remembrance Day, I cringed. I am a December 1st kind-of-girl. I like to wait until the month that Christmas is in before I turn on my lights or decorate my house. That's not to say I am not thinking about Christmas before December 1st. In fact, I think about it ALOT before in terms of gifts and planning. We have quite a few birthdays in December, so on top of all of the Christmas gifts we buy, I need to be on top of all things gifts in order to maintain my sanity. I also like to know how I am going to spend Christmas - where we are going and how long we will spend there, so November is filled with emails and phone calls trying to coordinate everyone's schedule. Christmas is on my mind, but not in my house, I guess. Yesterday morning on my way to work the house on the corner of our crescent caught my eye. It had its outdoor lights on and their tree had lit up their whole front window. It looked beaut...

Hugh and I have been on a parenting quest.  The last week most of our conversations have been focused around Calder. We have a strong willed child. No idea where he could have gotten that from. My guesses are my sister and Hugh's brother ;-) Well, and maybe me :-) Basically this means that Calder wants his way, all the time, no matter what. For example Calder wants to decide which toothbrush he uses each morning. He  chooses out of 3 different brushes every morning - and if we assume which one he wants to use and load it up with toothpaste, we have inevitably chosen the wrong one. He then will proceed to cry and scream until he gets his choice. Example #2, every night Calder wants to decide when he is going to come to the table for supper. Even when we give him a warning, "We are setting the timer and in 5 minutes it is time to come for supper" and he agrees to the arrangement, arguing still ensues. As soon as the buzzer goes off and we remind him to come to the table h...

Somewhere during 4th period this got put on my door. My first thought was, "Sweet. I love winning." My second thought, "That must be some sort of insult." Hahahahaha! I honestly have scoured my week trying to think of the event that may have caused a student to write this. Save taking a few cell phones (which is VERY typical for me), my week has been totally uneventful.  Darn.  My little message would be WAY funnier if I knew who left it for me!

I met my niece, Harper, on the weekend. And by met I mean I was in the same room as her. The best way to describe how I felt was uncomfortable. Anytime I am around a baby this is how I feel. I haven't held a baby since I held Tripp. I haven't touched one. I have trouble even looking at one.  I did look at my niece, though. I made myself. I want to get over my uncomfortableness around babies and it feels like the only way to do that is to face it. Harper is beautiful. Both Hugh and I forgot how small babies were. She is almost the exact same size Calder was a birth, Tripp was even smaller - funny how you forget. Since my niece's birth, I have been feeling some additional anxiety around the birth of our baby. I am always worried about carrying it to term, about it being healthy, and about breastfeeding, but the emotions that I experienced when my niece was born have made me worry about the emotions I am going to feel when this baby is born. Don't get me wrong, I hav...

Pregnant with Calder - 24 weeks Pregnant with Tripp - 23 weeks  Pregnant with #3 - 24 weeks I look HUGE in round 3!  My weight gain is virtually the same at this point for all 3 pregnancies. How the heck can that be? LOL Okay. Maybe I'm not huge, but here I am pregnant with Tripp at 27 weeks. Looks like I am about 3 weeks up from last time! I am heading the the Fetal Assessment Unit on Monday for an ultrasound. According to one of my nurses at CTC (where I get my IVIG treatments), my obstetrician "basically runs FAU with another obstetrician". This means I get to see my obstetrician for this appointment, which is awesome. I am really happy that there is one doctor who will know everything about my case. My doctor told me that the ultrasound equipment in FAU is better, so we will get a better look at the baby and placenta. I'm not sure how often I will have to head to FAU. My doctor said that we will see how things look on Monday and go f...

"Auntie" Brittany is becoming Auntie Brittany! My brother, Luke, and his girlfriend, Brittany, got engaged Thanksgiving long weekend. We are absolutely thrilled Brittany said yes. It has felt like she has been part of the family since the moment we met her. We are pumped that Luke felt the same way (and that he didn't do anything to mess it up in the process ;-) When I told Calder that Auntie Brittany and Uncle Luke were going to get married, he didn't understand. Apparently, marriage isn't a concept that we have really talked about with him! I explained to Calder that when two people love each other and want to be a family they get married - Just like his dad and I did.  Calder's response, "Oh. I thought they already were married." hahahaha.  I can't say it enough. We are so excited for Luke and Brittany's big day in August when they get the formality out of the way and become their own family. Picture from their...

My sister, Jes, bought a butternut squash in July and brought it to the lake. It never got eaten, so when it was time to close up the cabin in late September, I brought it home. It sat on a shelf in the pantry until Monday when I made some delicious soup. The timing was perfect as my sister and her boyfriend were coming for lunch!   I can not get over how long the squash stayed good. This recipe was taken from www.allrecipes.com . Here is the direct link . After reading the reviews, this is exact recipe for the soup I made: 2 tablespoons margarine 1 small onion 1 carrot 1 stalk of celery 2 medium sweet potatoes 1 butternut squash 1 box of beef stock Sour cream. Half butternut squash. Place it in a casserole dish with a bit of water. Microwave for appoximately 15 minutes. Finely chop onion, carrot, and celery (I used my small Kitchen Aid food processor - I can't cook without it!). Add to large pot with melted margarine. Saute. Peel and cube sweet potato. Add to...

I have been thinking a lot the past couple weeks about the experience our family, in particular Calder, is going to have when we bring our baby home in March. It is all I can do not to write "hopefully" in that statement - and probably even writing this statement negates the fact that I didn't write it :-) Calder was a couple weeks shy of 2 years old when Tripp was born. He understood that there was a baby, but likely had no idea how his life would be affected. When we bring this baby home he will be 4. Right now, he talks about the baby with us every day. Some days we initiate, but usually he does. Calder talks about the baby at daycare - even asking the other kids if their moms have babies in their bellies! Obviously, I don't think that he can fully fathom the impact this baby will have on his life, but he certainly has a good understanding of what it means to have a baby. And he truly is thrilled. If we had Tripp at home, I suspect that Calder wouldn't be q...

On Sunday afternoon, my brother-in-law, Billy, and sister-in-law, Abbey welcomed the beautiful Harper Alice Margaret into the world. I have been trying to sort out for two days how to write about this. My heart just aches to write the truth, so the truth it will be. I will start by sharing an email I wrote to Abbey after Harper was born: I have written the first line of this about 5 times. I don't know how to start. So I will just start. When I read on Facebook that you might have the baby early a couple of weeks ago I felt very emotional. My chest tightened up and I felt tears well. I didn't want to think about why I was feeling that way, because I knew that dealing with those emotions would be hard and I didn't want to be sad, I didn't want to cry, and mostly, I just didn't want to deal. When Hugh emailed me on Thursday to tell me you were headed to the hospital I felt all those same emotions, except this time I knew I couldn't delay them. This was...

Mom my gave me some grief yesterday. In the kindest way :-)  She just wanted to see pics of Calder's halloween escapades! Calder spent his night with his buddy, Dylan. Here are the three best shots. It was cold on halloween. I think it was about -8 when the boys went out. They lasted an hour and brought back a pile of loot. Hugh and Dylan's dad, Chris, took the boys trick-or-treating and I with the help of my sister, Jes, and her boyfriend, Nate, held down the fort passing out candy to 120 some kids. Oh wait. Make that 118 kids plus 2 parents. One said, "I am collecting for my daughter. She got cold 1/2 a block ago and had to go in." The other one simply echoed in with her kids, "Trick-or-treat." Unbelievable. Calder had a great time with Dylan. Apparently the boys wrestled every couple houses ( sounds a bit like last year ) . I am just going to focus on that :-)

We got to work on Sunday after supper and carved our pumpkins! (We also made some delicious roasted pumpkin seeds that we are still picking away at!)  Calder was really fascinated with the guts of the pumpkin, but had no desire to touch them. This was not a surprise to Hugh and I. Calder eats every meal with a damp cloth by his side so he can wipe his hands and face between every bite! Our boy doesn't like to get his hands dirty (unless, of course, he is in the sandbox!). Notice the marks on the pumpkin in the first picture? It's hail damage on a pumpkin I grew in our back alley! I am pretty proud of those two little pumpkins on the right! Next year I will be filling the entire space along the outside of our fence with pumpkins and squash. Happy Halloween!

We took Calder for his first skate of the year yesterday. Hugh and I were excited to see improvements. In fact, after last years spaghetti legs, we knew there was no where to go but up! As we left the rink, I turned to Hugh and said, "I don't know how to make this into a blog post without gloating. I am so proud." Hugh's response, "It's your blog. Gloat if you want." Yes it is - so here I go :-) Calder did amazingly well for his first time on skates this year. We had been pumping him up hard the last week, telling him he would fall, and that skating would be difficult, but that he just had to keep trying. We told him that Sunday was about working hard at learning how to skate. When we hit the ice, he slipped and sputtered around. He didn't have any major spills and not because he was a good skater or even strong on his skates. Hugh and I forgot his helmet. GASP. I know. We were those parents. We didn't want to head home to grab it (we went ...

We had our "big" 20 week ultrasound yesterday (at 21 weeks). I call it "big" because this is the ultrasound that checks growth, the heart, the kidneys, etc. and for many women it is the only ultrasound they get. Since I have already had 2 ultrasounds and will now be having one every 4 weeks (at the very least), getting an ultrasound has become part of the routine of this pregnancy. At first I was worried about the number of ultrasounds this pregnancy was requiring, but I spoke to a friend who has done a lot of reading on the issue and she assured me that there was nothing to worry about and after my 20 week ultrasound, I couldn't agree more. Both of my 20 week ultrasounds with Calder and Tripp lasted at least 1/2 hour with the technician. My 20 week with this baby was done by my obstetrician and took approximately 5 minutes. My doctor repeated at least 3 times, "this baby couldn't cooperate any more!" I am looking to have at least 4 more ultrasou...

I've started saying, "When the baby comes . . ."  Until recently I talked in terms of "If the baby comes" or "Hopefully when the baby gets here".  Three weeks ago the baby started making its presence know with love taps (now it kicks and flips). This might have been the start of my adjusted mind set, I'm not sure. To say I have a new found prospective would be a gross overstatement. Now every time I say, "When the baby comes" I just say the "If" part in my head. My mind set is shifting, but slowly.  I'm not convinced that preparing for "the worst" makes it easier to deal with IF it happens. Yet, I am doing it. Protecting myself. I rarely get excited when talking about the baby coming. We do talk about it, but more in the sense of a to-do list. We need to organize the nursery and move Calder's car seat to the other side of the van.  We don't think (or talk) about holding our living, breathing baby in o...

Three things we have on the go: My computer is FINALLY getting a new hard drive.   It has been a lemon for over a year. I have spent close to 25 hours on the phone with Apple. It is TIME. I backed it up in two different places before we took it in to be serviced. Just in case, we thought it would be a good idea for the service provider to back it up as well. They told us the price tonight. $40/ half hour!!!  If you have ever backed up your computer, you will know that backing up from scratch can take hours. I would guess that because of all our HD video it could take up to 6 hours. Again, if you have ever backed up your computer, you will know you click a button and walk away. The computer does all the work. I told the retailer this price was outrageous. She got bitchy and I told her as politely as I could muster that we would NOT be paying for a back-up. We are getting a gas fireplace in our basement! It should be installed and kicking out heat by the end of November...

Wednesday was my 5th treatment. Weeks 1 and 2 were dreadful with pounding headaches. Weeks 3 and 4 I barely had a headache at all. Week 5 I am back to having a headache. What the heck? These treatments are exhausting. Yes, I just sit there. On a bed. For 6 hours. But this blood product is kicking my butt! On most Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday nights I hit the hay between 8:00 pm and 8:30 pm. I have been trying to have a snooze during my last couple of treatments and have had limited success. It is noisey and it seems like as soon as I nod off, my IV starts beeping, because of an air bubble or because it needs new product. The staff at the Clinical Treatment Center are amazing. They are super friendly and dedicated to their jobs. They always fill up my water or get me a warm blanket as soon as they are required! This past Wednesday the nurse decided to give my hand a break from the IV and instead put it in my forearm. I loved the fr...

This glass is clean. Believe it or not - just please don't judge! This is how all of our dishes looked on Monday. The glasses looked the worst but the plates and pots looked terrible too! After a good soak in some vinegar water, a quick wipe, and a run through the dishwasher . . .  Voila! I am really wondering how I went this long without goggling, "Hard Water on Glasses." I can't stop opening my cupboard and staring at my "new" dishes!

This weekend we bought some new sweats for Calder. He is in need now that the days are cool and pants are required EVERY day. Monday morning we couldn't find them. Hugh was adamant he had seen them in house. I asked him, "Are you sure?" 3 or 4 times having not seen the Children's Place bag all weekend. The more I asked, the more sternly he replied, "Yes, I'm sure." As I retraced the bags steps, I realized the last time I had seen the bag was at the mall. When I relayed this to Hugh, he wavered on his stance. Sure enough, Hugh called Sport Chek - the last place we remember having the bag - and it was there! Even before we knew the bag was there I was hopeful. I reasoned that there were lots of people out there like me. People who would turn the bag in rather than leave the store with it. In fact, I figured there were significantly more people out there who would turn it in that would leave the store with. It would be hard to collect data on that...

Parent Teacher Interviews are over. I actually told less parents about Tripp than I had planned. Turns out as soon as you say, "Medical Treatment" people don't want to impede on your privacy and will either make a consoling face while shaking there head or immediately flip the subject. LOL! No harm done. I was prepared to do it and I think that was just as important. • • • The evenings are getting darker which is causing me the blues, but I can't help but think that on the plus side it means that it's candle season! I only lit a candle during the spring and summer when I was really missing Tripp. Pumping the A/C and having a seance really seems counter productive! I love the warm glow of a candle (or 5) in the evening. Lucky for me, my sister-in-law, Abbey picked me up a whole bunch of tea lights from Ikea earlier this year! • • • Depending your perspective, you might find THIS appalling or humorous. I found it a bit of both. I just hope I don't s...