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Vacation From Sadness

Yesterday was a good day. . .Until about 7:45 pm.  Hugh had just put Calder to bed and we sat down on the couch to watch some t.v.  I went from happy to sad in about 3 minutes.  And on top of being sad, I felt grumpy, too.  Hugh asked me what was wrong and I didn't even feel like opening my mouth to tell him.  That is how crabby I felt.  Eventually, I just blurted out, "I am tired of being sad."

As I laid in bed I began to think of what it would be like to not be sad.  I began to think about what it would be like if I could have a vacation from sadness--even just for a day or two.

You know that feeling you have when you need a vacation from work?  Even if you love your job, you begin to feel agitated and even annoyed at having to get out of bed and head there each morning.  Last night, this is how I felt about sadness.  I was just ready for a break from it.

When I have a break from work, I really take it.  Hugh and I make a pact not to talk about work for a set amount of time and we stick to it.  I don't even let myself think about work for that time period.  If a thought even enters my head, I very easily shoo it to the side so I can go on thoroughly enjoying my vacation.  A vacation from sadness?  In reality, I know that I couldn't do this with my sadness, but the idea of a vacation was so wonderful.

I was on the phone with my Grandma Fritshaw today and we were talking about Grandpa and Tripp and at one point I said, "I am just sad."  Grandma said, "you will likely be sad your whole life."

You have to know my Grandma.  This was not said in a negative tone.  I don't even think my Grandma Fritshaw has a negative tone.  It was said more as a fact.  As a truth.  Even as she said it, I felt it to be a truth.  I know she is right.  I know that at time passes there are going to be days when I am not sad, but I also know that until the day I see Tripp again, I will miss him and missing him is sad.

So far, today has been a pretty good day.  I am not feeling like I did last night.  The sadness is there, but in this moment, I am good.

It would be nice to have a vacation from my sadness, but I will have to wait.


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