It was hard to crawl into bed last night.  I was tired, but I had this wave of grief rush over me when I realized that Tripp was part of my day.  I had rocked him, kissed him, and loved him during the early part of the morning.  It was my last day with Tripp.  I knew that when I woke up this morning I wouldn't have him in any more of my days.  I didn't want my day with Tripp to end.

Eventually, I had to stop thinking about it.  The day would end whether I wanted it to or not.

The sleeping pill worked wonders.  As soon as I made myself stop thinking, I drifted off.  I slept hard until 4:45 am when I was forced awake by pain.  I needed to pump.  Unfortunately, my body doesn't know that my baby doesn't need the milk.

Today, will be full of family and friends. We have already had a visit from Deena.  I am blessed to have her as a friend.  She is on top of organizing multiple different things for Hugh, Calder and I and if I asked her to do more, she wouldn't hesitate. Check out her blog.

The tears don't feel quite as close to the surface right now.  It is kind of nice.  I was able to visit with Deena and talk about parts of our journey with Tripp and not be overwhelmed by my emotions.

Hugh and I have talked quite a bit about the roller coaster of our emotions.  Sometimes we almost feel numb or maybe in denial and others we feel like the grief is crushing us.  Then we remember one of those precious moments we spent with Tripp and a shot of joy pushes through.


  1. Thank you again Jordan for sharing you personal thoughts. Your wonderful friend Deena explained it so eloquently when she wrote that we have all been blessed by Tripp's life.

    My love and prayers will be with over the next days. I will not be there in person but in spirit.
    Sending you my prayers and love

    Therese xxx

  2. Thanks you for sharing Tripp's life with us. You and Hugh are truly amazing people and parents. I admire your strength, courage and spirit. May you find peace in the days and weeks ahead with the love and support of each other, family and friends.


  3. My wife and I pass on our condolences to you guys. We have followed Jordan's blog and have been hoping for the best. We were deeply saddened to hear of Tripp's passing. We hope that your friends and family provide comfort and the memories that you have with Tripp will continue to fill your hearts with the joys only a parent understands. Take care.
    Darren and Shannon Chernishenko

  4. Friends,
    I am so saddened to hear of your loss. Some people have the ability to find words that lift spirits, share burdens, and ease the troubles of others. I wish I knew those words, but if they exist, I can't find them. All I know is that when my wife and I read your story in your own words and learned what had happened, we both had tears for you, and for realization of our own blessings. Our hearts are with you.

    The Wilson Family


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