We Bloom

Kelle Hampton over at Enjoying the Small Things wrote We Bloom yesterday. Kelle tells her story in her book, Bloom: Finding Beauty in the Unexpected. I haven't started it yet, but I have heard from a good source (aka Deena) that it is inspirational (it also may make you cry - although as my source (Deena) says, "the good kind of tears"). Yesterday Kelle asks her readers to share our stories with her. Here is mine:

Last February, my husband wheeled me off of the maternity ward empty handed. Our son, Tripp gave it everything he had for 5 days, but after all options were exhausted by his doctors, my husband and I made the most difficult decision we have ever had to make. We decided to let Tripp go.

I was forever changed that day in February.

The death of my son caused pain I previously could not have even imagined. I felt sadness in the deepest parts of my soul. I begged and pleaded for things to be different. Over and over I repeated, “It’s not fair.” I was angry and envious of other people’s blessings. I was truly devastated by the loss of my baby.

Then somewhere in the midst of my grief and guilt, I realized that although Tripp had died, I had to live. I slowly began to realize it was okay to smile and to laugh. It was okay to let go of my grief and live in the moment. In honour of Tripp I decided to do more than live my life. I decided to live my BEST life.

My life without Tripp can be hard. I have my moments, but I do my best to live my life to the fullest. And I am able to do this because of the depth of love I have for him.

The last 15 months have taught me about compassion, friendship, and love. They have taught me about life and loss and they have taught me that I am lucky. From those months I have learned that we are ALL connected. I am a better person today because of Tripp.

I only held my son in my arms for a brief moment, but the impact his life had will affect me forever.

I bloom.