Living Through It
I went to see our counsellor, Brad, on Friday. I told him I couldn't wait for this week to be over - That thinks would get back to normal and I will be functioning better after the 23rd. He told me that wasn't a good attitude. I knew it wasn't, but it was how I felt. Brad told me that I had to live through the next week. I had to acknowledge my feelings because Tripp's death did happen. Pretending it didn't happen wouldn't get me the relief I was looking for.
Brad went on to ask me what I was doing a year ago. I relayed THIS story to him. It's about the morning Tripp was born. After I was done that story Brad continued to ask questions about the events that followed and by the end of our session I had re-told Tripp's story. This is something I hadn't done in over 6 months. I cried as I walked Brad back through those 5 days. I left exhausted, but with a feeling of accomplishment. I had lived through those 5 days. I had been present in every moment and survived. I knew that I could live through these 5 days.
Saturday and Sunday were good days. I cried. I was sad. But I also smiled, and laughed. We celebrated the best moment in our lives - Tripp's birth (which is of course tied for 1st with Calder's birth).
On Saturday I read through my posts from the days following Tripp's death. I actually missed some pretty big details from the morning of Tripp's birth when I told Brad. It made so thankful that I had written it all down. I was thankful for every single detailed I shared on my blog. It was amazing for me to re-read those posts. To be reminded of how I felt. To see how far I have come.
Brad went on to ask me what I was doing a year ago. I relayed THIS story to him. It's about the morning Tripp was born. After I was done that story Brad continued to ask questions about the events that followed and by the end of our session I had re-told Tripp's story. This is something I hadn't done in over 6 months. I cried as I walked Brad back through those 5 days. I left exhausted, but with a feeling of accomplishment. I had lived through those 5 days. I had been present in every moment and survived. I knew that I could live through these 5 days.
Saturday and Sunday were good days. I cried. I was sad. But I also smiled, and laughed. We celebrated the best moment in our lives - Tripp's birth (which is of course tied for 1st with Calder's birth).
On Saturday I read through my posts from the days following Tripp's death. I actually missed some pretty big details from the morning of Tripp's birth when I told Brad. It made so thankful that I had written it all down. I was thankful for every single detailed I shared on my blog. It was amazing for me to re-read those posts. To be reminded of how I felt. To see how far I have come.
Glad to hear you were able to enjoy some of your weekend. From reading your blogs time to time it's quite obvious how far you've come. In your writing I can see your strength and the healing that is happening month by month. I wish you many more happy moments.
ReplyDeleteMuch love <3
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