Picturing Saturday

I did some reading last night on the first anniversary of a loved ones death. It reminded me that it is better to have a plan than to just try and "wing" the day.

I started by emailing the Cupcake Conspiracy.

Months ago when the first thoughts of Tripp's birthday came swirling into my mind I knew that the one thing FOR SURE that we needed was cupcakes. Then a few weeks ago my niece, Maddy, was asking about Tripp's upcoming birthday. She said that we couldn't celebrate because he wasn't here. When I informed her that just because he wasn't here didn't mean we couldn't celebrate she had the brilliant suggestion to have purple cupcakes. Tripp's birthstone is amethyst and a few of the members of my family wear his birthstone, including Maddy.

I wanted to combine my favourite cupcakes from the Cupcake Conspiracy with Maddy's thoughtful suggestion so yesterday I emailed them (they were already closed for the day) and asked if they could put a small purple icing flower on each of the 6 cupcakes I ordered. I know there are only 3 of us, but I want to be prepared in case it is a 2 cupcake each kind-of-day!

I have also started to try and REALLY picture how I want Saturday to go. Some things know for sure:

1. I want to be with Hugh and Calder.
2. I want to go outside for a bit - maybe the zoo.
3. I want to visit Tripp's bench and leave a candle there.
4. I want to have my house filled with the warmth of glowing candles.
5. I want to light the candles on our front step and have them burning ALL day.
6. I want to do little or no cooking (pizza is a good fit for a birthday, I think).
7. I want to do some writing - I am not sure if I will post it, but I do want to have some quiet time.
8. I want cupcakes with purple accents.

It turned out that I had thought about this day enough to have planned some things without even really thinking about planning. There are still a number of hours in the day that I want to think about, but that is definitely a start.
• • •
I have already started to have friends and family ask us, "what can I do?"

After some careful thought and a conversation with Hugh, I think that the best thing you can do for us is to light a candle and keep Tripp close to your heart.


  1. You bet we will. Our thoughts are with you.

  2. There will be a candle going here!!! Thoughts are with you Hugh, Calder and of course Tripp. Love you T

  3. We will be thinking of you all and will certainly have a candle lit at the Gaudet home to honor Tripp on his birthday. xoxo

  4. I came across this poem last night. I thought it was beautiful, and seemed just right to share with you. It's by Maya Angelou and it ends this way:

    Great souls die and
    our reality, bound to
    them, takes leave of us.
    Our souls,
    dependent upon their
    now shrink, wizened.
    Our minds, formed
    and informed by their
    fall away.
    We are not so much maddened
    as reduced to the unutterable ignorance
    of dark, cold

    And when great souls die,
    after a period peace blooms,
    slowly and always
    irregularly. Spaces fill
    with a kind of
    soothing electric vibration.
    Our senses, restored, never
    to be the same, whisper to us.
    They existed. They existed.
    We can be. Be and be
    better. For they existed.

  5. We will most definitely be thinking of you and have a candle glow in our home for Trip.


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