I Wouldn't Trade A Day

On the radio a while back they were debating how much time from your life you would trade to have your "perfect" body without doing any work for. A lot of callers were suggesting that they would give up a year or even more if it meant that for the duration of their life they wouldn't have to worry about working out or about what they ate.

Some callers were even saying, "what's the difference between 87 and 88? I could give up that last year for a life-time perfect body, easy." I wonder if these callers had really given their responses any thought or if they had ever lost big. 

I gave it some thought and I wouldn't trade one day.

Maybe that is easy for me to say because I don't struggle with my weight. I hardly have a "perfect" body, but most days I am very happy with how I look. In all honesty, they posed this question at a time quite early in my grief and the only thing I could think of was that these callers are willing to GIVE UP TIME just to look good. The callers responses seemed vain and selfish. Our time here on Earth just feels so precious to me. 

At that time my thoughts drifted off to what I considered to be a trade that actually warranted some reflection and thought. Would I give up a year to spend 1 more hour or even 1 more day with Tripp?

It turns out I wouldn't.

You see I believe that time doesn't exist in Heaven. I believe that when we see Tripp again he won't have even noticed we were gone. Tripp isn't hurting in Heaven. He doesn't miss us. He is at peace. Tripp is completely happy.

I realized that if I was willing to give up a year to spend time with Tripp I was being just as selfish as those radio callers wanting the "perfect" body. If I died at 87 instead of 88 or 34 instead of 35, I would be leaving loved ones hurting in a place where time and sadness do exist. All I kept thinking was, "what if Calder needed me and I wasn't here?" Tripp doesn't need me right. I am confident in that.  

I would love to hold my baby again, but I will have to wait. 

Not to mention the fact I don't know any fairytale characters who even grant those kinds of wishes ;-)

p.s. There are times when I think that people SHOULD be selfish. You need to be able to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. So if you are someone who would pick the perfect body or time with a someone you lost I HONESTLY don't judge you for it. We all need to do what is best for ourselves. I would actually be quite envious if you had one of your wishes granted.


  1. Very fitting ad with this blog :)

  2. I have far from the perfect body, but I wouldn't trade any of my life away for anything. You said it exactly right. Here, there is pain and suffering (and learning). On the other side (as I learned so perfectly this past week), there is only pure happiness and perfectness. They are not missing us...they ARE WITH US all the time, IN EVERYWHERE AND EVERYTHING.

  3. Jordan,
    I was brought here by Rebecca Dunbar and first I just wanted to say how badly I feel that I had no idea that Tripp became your angel baby shortly after he was born. I had an angel baby born sleeping in 2006. Noah didn't make it into the third trimester, he got wrapped up in his cord. I just wanted to let you know that I am 6 years into my journey and I look back and there comes a time when smiles will outnumber the tears. Although, every time when you hear of someone else starting their journey it always takes your breath away and you go right back to the moment when you found out that things aren't as you imagined they would be.

    I too listened to the same radio program and I had thought the exact same thing as you; that those people had never lost big.

    Keep on keeping on Jordan...your blog is beautiful. Thanks for sharing your beautiful family and story. You are very strong and I stand and applaud you and your courage. Tripp has the most amazing mom.

    Take care,
    Randi-Lee Loshack


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