Sunday, October 23

I slept in this morning, but apparently it wasn't enough rest from my weekend in Edmonton. I tried my hardest to put on a brave face today, but by 10:30 am I was snapping at Hugh for no reason and storming around.

It's funny how my perspective changed this morning. At 8:30 am I was excited to get a bunch of stuff done in the kitchen (I had lasagna, homemade spaghetti sauce, and cupcakes for my niece's birthday on my list) and 2 hours later the sadness of the 8 month anniversary of Tripp's death crept in.  The tasks that once seemed like a bit of fun, were now feeling completely overwhelming.

I headed for my sanctuary. I cried, but mostly I slept. I emerged 2.5 hours later a bit better equipped to grieve and function at the same time.

While Hugh and Calder were in the basement setting up some furniture, I spent a solid 4 hours in the kitchen. It was good. Hugh came up around supper time and checked his email. He had one in his inbox with the title of one of our student's name in it (some of Hugh's elementary students come to my high school, so we often both get to teach the same kids).

Hugh and I both have a strong connection to this boy. He has had some serious hardships in his life. He comes from a loving single parent family with 2 brothers and a sister. The summer going into grade eight, his sister (who was going into grade 11) died. Just over a year later, when he was in grade 9, his mom died. It has been a year since she passed and Hugh's email today said that one of his older brothers (whom I also taught) was in a car accident on Saturday and is in critical condition.

I couldn't breath. It isn't fair. This boy DOES NOT deserve this. He is just a boy.

All I keep thinking is there isn't a God - Certainly not the all-loving, all-powerful God that the bible boasts about, because how could He ever do this to one child? If there is a higher power, this is just another confirmation to me that He does not meddle in things here on earth.

I will pray tonight to an all-loving God who is just as sad today as I am. He is sad because like me, he feels powerless to help. I will light a candle for Tripp and for our student.

UPDATE: As of school today, my student's brother is still in critical condition.


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