We have one
Courtney and Bart got married on the weekend. I talked about how hard weddings are and theirs was unfortunately no different.
We sat at a table with an acquintance. Think about how you chat with acquaintances. You talk about where you live, what you do, and about your family. You talk about your family. I forgot to prepare myself for this and when they asked if we had kids, I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I started stumbling around and finally said, "one. We have one." I looked to Hugh. He smiled kindly at me and nodded his head. I wanted to bawl. We have one. The next few minutes were spent in a fog. I bumbled out small pleasentries and asked the questions that you are expected to ask. I heard things, but wasn't able to really listen. It took a good 5 minutes for me to find my footing and blink all the tears back into my eyes.
Hugh then took off for the washroom. At that same moment a pregnant lady - a very pregnant lady - sat down at our table and started talking to the family physician to my right, who delivered babies. I felt the walls of the room closing in and I got out. I quickly moved to the door and out into the fresh air. I feel closer to Tripp outside. I took some deep breaths, breathed him in, and tried to hold in the tears that were on the verge of falling. Hugh joined me a couple minutes later. He asked me if I got in a fight at our table. I laughed. Hugh's good like that. He knew why I was out there, but he asked if I wanted to talk anyway. I started crying. It was so hard to say outloud we had one kid. It bothered me that no one at the table knew about Tripp. Hugh put his arm around me and reminded me that we knew about Tripp and that was what was most important.
We sat at a table with an acquintance. Think about how you chat with acquaintances. You talk about where you live, what you do, and about your family. You talk about your family. I forgot to prepare myself for this and when they asked if we had kids, I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I started stumbling around and finally said, "one. We have one." I looked to Hugh. He smiled kindly at me and nodded his head. I wanted to bawl. We have one. The next few minutes were spent in a fog. I bumbled out small pleasentries and asked the questions that you are expected to ask. I heard things, but wasn't able to really listen. It took a good 5 minutes for me to find my footing and blink all the tears back into my eyes.
Hugh then took off for the washroom. At that same moment a pregnant lady - a very pregnant lady - sat down at our table and started talking to the family physician to my right, who delivered babies. I felt the walls of the room closing in and I got out. I quickly moved to the door and out into the fresh air. I feel closer to Tripp outside. I took some deep breaths, breathed him in, and tried to hold in the tears that were on the verge of falling. Hugh joined me a couple minutes later. He asked me if I got in a fight at our table. I laughed. Hugh's good like that. He knew why I was out there, but he asked if I wanted to talk anyway. I started crying. It was so hard to say outloud we had one kid. It bothered me that no one at the table knew about Tripp. Hugh put his arm around me and reminded me that we knew about Tripp and that was what was most important.
I just wanted to say something Jordan and maybe it isn't my place, but I will say it anyway. Just like Hugh, it doesn't matter if aquainances know or don't know about Tripp. You and Hugh and calder know about Tripp. The people who read this blog know about Tripp. In his short time on this earth he has touched so many, myself included. You have touched so many in writing about your journey, myself included. For such a small being and too short of a time he has influenced so many and done so much good because of you!
ReplyDeleteI will tell you a one of the ways you (because of tripp) have influenced me. Recently I cut off all my hair...originally I was only going to cut 4-5 inches...then I found out if i cut 8 inches minimum I could donate it to make a wig for a child with cancer. So I did it! It was a great feeling (and the hair cut looks good too).
So because of that, the aquaitances and what they know or don't know doesn't matter. Those of us Tripp (and you) have caused to make a difference...that is what matters...and with all of us influenced by this blog, thats a lot of good.
I still in my heart of hearts look at my boys and wish that I could give you that. It brings me to tears right now wishing you had it, feeling guilty because I have it and you don't. As much as that pains me because you are a great person (as I am sure Hugh is as well to have married you :) I also look and how everything you have gone through has changed me. It has made me better and want to continue to do good and be the best person I can because of Tripp (and you).
So from all of that rant (yes I still talk relentlessly) the point is, the aquaintances don't matter. Tripp matters, your blog matters. And lastly, you have 2 children, just ones surrounds you with his love from the other side...