1st Missed Post - Weddings and Babies

I didn't post yesterday. It wasn't intentional. I had thought I had scheduled this post for Saturday, but I put the wrong date. Its kind of funny it happened this way, because I had been considering not posting this weekend. One of the reasons was that less people read on the weekends and the other reason was along those same lines. I was beginning to think I should do the same. Other people were focusing on friends and family on the weekend - I thought I should too. On Thursday, I began to tell Hugh my plan and I started getting choked up. Then, I started crying. Blogging has become so linked to Tripp for me. Thinking about not blogging and saying it outloud were apparently 2 completely different things. I chalked the crying up to not being ready to get let go of the daily posts and decided I would post this weekend and see how I felt next weekend. Maybe this was the step I needed to let go just a little. We'll see. Here is yesterday's post.

I think one of the hard things about going out in public is seeing all of the families. Families with multiple kids. Families with infants.

When I see all of these families I immediately feel envy, then think, "its not fair." Sometimes the envy is more apparent than others and sometimes "its not fair" is a whisper and others a scream, but I feel those things ALL THE TIME.

We have been to 3 weddings this summer, so far. Today we will attend our 4th. Seeing families that I know at these functions becomes especially hard, because I have to talk to them. At Walmart I can turn the other cheek; I can walk away. At a social event I can't. I have to put on a smile and engage in chit-chat and chit-chat has become particularly hard since Tripp died.

Babies make me uncomfortable and wedding receptions can be filled with young couples and babies. This past weekend I was letting Calder run around the lobby outside of the hall. He needed a break from the sitting and I needed to get away from the babies. Hugh came out to check on us and when he asked how I was doing I told him I would be doing great if he could get all the parents to take their babies home.

Obviously, that didn't happen, but I survived, nevertheless - Just as I always do these days. Wish me luck today.


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