My Loving and Insightful Son

Thursday, 7:05 pm

As Calder was having his snack, I sat at the table picking away on the internet. I have been debating for a while how I wanted to display a picture of Tripp and a month or so ago I decided I wanted to get a portrait done. This would allow us to have a picture of how he truly looked without any of the tubes or swelling. (I am also going to get a portrait done of Calder at the same time. That way I can display two similar pictures of the boys.) 

I eventually exhausted my search on kijiji.ca. I think I found someone, but I'm not sure if she is the one so if you have any suggestions, I would appreciate them. I then turned my search from an artist to the right picture. I scoured through the few "good" pictures of Tripp trying to find the right one (and at the same time wishing I would have taken one from a bit different angle or a bit closer up). I started to cry. 

Calder looked up from his corn flakes and asked, "what are you sad about?"  

"I miss Tripp," I replied.

"Tripp far away."

"Yes, he is very far away."

"You want to go visit him."

"Yes, but I am going to wait. I am going to stay here with you for a very long time."

"I give you a hug when I done eating."

Calder finished up his bowl with a little help from Hugh and came over and sat on my lap and gave me a hug and a smooch. Tripp's picture was up on the computer and Calder was staring at it. Calder has seen pictures of Tripp before, but not very often, save for the one in the memory box Kerri gave me that sits on our dresser.

"Do you know who that is, Calder?"

"Tripp," he said pausing slightly. "Why he have a bandaid?"

Tears streamed down my face. "He was very sick."

Calder then quietly said, "He died."

Hugh and I looked at each other to make sure we heard him right. "Yes. He died."

I took one last squeeze and kiss from Calder and he skitted off my lap and headed for bed.

* * *

Here is the link to the artist on kijiji. I also just found this other artist on kijiji.