Stomach Ache

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Thursday, 4:40 pm

My stomach has been aching all day. It is that nervous/anxious feeling. This morning on the way to work I kept thinking, "have I forgot something?" After a mental run through of my to-do list I realized that wasn't the case, so I began thinking, "have I said something to someone or done something I wished I hadn't?" Again, I did a mental check and couldn't think of any interaction that warrented any sort of regret or remorse.

Tripp.

It hit me. Today, 7 months ago I had a bad day. The worst day. As I reflected I realized that twice while getting ready for work I found myself thinking back to what I was doing at that exact same moment 7 months ago. I thought about where I was. I thought about how I felt. I have been thinking like that all day.

Today any second that I had down time, without even thinking about it, my stomach has started turning. Acknowledging why it was turning didn't make it stop. I just had to busy myself and try to stop thinking.

Even as I type I feel sick. So sick I can't imagine eating supper.

I am fearful these feelings could lead to Friday being hard. Being at school has its upside. I am busy at work and as long as I can stay focused, I won't be thinking about the day Tripp died. On the flip side, if I can't stay focused being at school sucks. I am responsible to my students and my sanctuary is kilometers away.

UPDATE: Flowers delivered by Deena to brighten my day.

Comments

  1. StaceySeptember 25, 2011 at 3:34 PM

    I saw you outside your school on Friday with those flowers. I waved at you, but you didn't see me. You have great friends, Jordan. Enjoy your flowers and those around you that love you so much.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Erin S.September 25, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    What gorgeous flowers!!! What a great friend Deena is for sending them to you to brighten your day. Hope that your day went okay. I know right now each Sunday is my bad day because it is the day of the week that he died. I just relive it all over again. Today was one of the better Sundays I have had since it happened. Amelia and I spent time together all day today, the weather was really nice and appreciated the fact that I could spend time with her outside before winter comes. There are so many times that I feel guilty because I feel like I shouldn't be doing this well since my son died, I should be in worse shape.

    ReplyDelete

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