A Little Bit of Self Talk

Tuesday night I went to bed exhausted and with a headache. I am fairly certain I didn't drink enough water and an immense amount of crying emphasized the fact that I was dehydrated. Wednesday, I woke up still exhausted, but with a bit clearer head.

Our counsellor, Brad, told me NOT to try and get better when we first met with him. I am wondering if all of the emotions I am feeling right now are similar to the ones I was feeling when I saw Brad that first month. I hated feeling sad and I wanted to change that. I wanted more control. Back then I was sad about Tripp. Now, although still sad about Tripp, I am also sad that other parts of my life are hard. Is trying to "fix" these other parts of my life the same as trying to "fix" my grief. I hope not.

Wednesday, feeling like I needed to try something, I strived not to let those triggers, trigger me. When I saw a pregnant coworker I told myself, "her pregnancy ISN'T about Tripp." When I saw a mom with two little blonde haired boys at the grocery store I told myself, "she is NOT me." For the record, Tripp had brown hair:-) I don't know if it helped make Wednesday a bit better, but I know self-talk works, so I will try and stick with it.

Today, I am hoping Brad can help me clear up my thoughts. I need someone to help me with perspective and maybe someone to help me with a plan, or someone to tell me to be patient. I have put my trust in Brad before; he knows about grief. I am going to put my trust in him again.


  1. Hi Jordan! I do read your blog because I care about how you and your family are doing, and right now it looks like you are having a tough time. When I see you at school I want to say something but it is always so busy and there are always so many people about ... tomorrow I will remember to give you a hug. If I forget, forgive me. I know it has to be so difficult to struggle through all of what has happened and is happening. I have enjoyed seeing the photos of your family and they look like such a loving one. Warm thoughts I send your way!
    Jennifer Speed


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