Skip to main content

A Little Bit of Self Talk

Tuesday night I went to bed exhausted and with a headache. I am fairly certain I didn't drink enough water and an immense amount of crying emphasized the fact that I was dehydrated. Wednesday, I woke up still exhausted, but with a bit clearer head.

Our counsellor, Brad, told me NOT to try and get better when we first met with him. I am wondering if all of the emotions I am feeling right now are similar to the ones I was feeling when I saw Brad that first month. I hated feeling sad and I wanted to change that. I wanted more control. Back then I was sad about Tripp. Now, although still sad about Tripp, I am also sad that other parts of my life are hard. Is trying to "fix" these other parts of my life the same as trying to "fix" my grief. I hope not.

Wednesday, feeling like I needed to try something, I strived not to let those triggers, trigger me. When I saw a pregnant coworker I told myself, "her pregnancy ISN'T about Tripp." When I saw a mom with two little blonde haired boys at the grocery store I told myself, "she is NOT me." For the record, Tripp had brown hair:-) I don't know if it helped make Wednesday a bit better, but I know self-talk works, so I will try and stick with it.

Today, I am hoping Brad can help me clear up my thoughts. I need someone to help me with perspective and maybe someone to help me with a plan, or someone to tell me to be patient. I have put my trust in Brad before; he knows about grief. I am going to put my trust in him again.


  1. Hi Jordan! I do read your blog because I care about how you and your family are doing, and right now it looks like you are having a tough time. When I see you at school I want to say something but it is always so busy and there are always so many people about ... tomorrow I will remember to give you a hug. If I forget, forgive me. I know it has to be so difficult to struggle through all of what has happened and is happening. I have enjoyed seeing the photos of your family and they look like such a loving one. Warm thoughts I send your way!
    Jennifer Speed


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What I'm wearing

After my Simons' flop, I recently picked up three pairs of jegging capris at Costco. I think they were about $16 each. I got them in grey (above), teal (also above), and white. I absolutely love them and have been wearing them like crazy. My favorite of the two outfits is the bottom one. The jean jacket is Mavi and I HIGHLY recommend it. In fact, I recently bought another. Exact same style, different wash. This jacket was recommended by both Deena and Christy, so you really can't go wrong. The scarf is one I picked up this spring (Gap). I heart orange and teal. Last week I mentioned trying to define my signature look and that bottom one pretty much encapsulates it. . .
And here it is again. LOVE this one too. Cardigan and scarf are recent purchases along with the grey tee (Old Navy). Jeans are old (American Eagle) and shoes are old (Nine West). I can't wait to recreate this one!
These. Jeans. (Gap). I can't get enough of them. I wore them to professional development o…

Calder Update

Has Calder ever gotten into sports the last couple of months!?! Below he is at a Rush lacrosse game with Hugh and his buddy Kohen. Calder has been watching baseball, lacrosse, and now the hockey playoffs like crazy. In fact, he has stopped asking to watch any of his "shows". He just wants to watch sports. Oh. . . and add NASCAR to that list. Our boy loves his cars. I don't think that will ever change!

Here is Calder's funniest shark tooth yet. His permanent tooth pushed through in front of his baby tooth!  It was like this for weeks. No gap toothed grin for this boy! Below is the day it fell out!
Calder is doing so well in school. His teacher speaks of what a great student he is. Hearing her say these things actually makes me wish he used a few more manners and a bit more kindness at home! LOL. But, if he is going to be on his best behavior somewhere, I want it to be when we aren't around. Although it was great to hear about Calder's learning successes at pa…


All of Hugh's hockey buddies call him "Hammy".

Hugh has been calling Calder "Ham" for a long time. I can't even remember when it started.

Calder started calling Boone "Bean" when he first came home from the hospital. That evolved into "Boone Dog", "The Dog", and just simply, "Dog".  Boone is not a fan of nicknames. Often after we use one of his he will say, "I not Da Dog, I just Boone." Hilarious.

Boone has called Lawson "Dawsie" from about month two. (He called her "baby" for the first two months.) Last week Boone called her Lawson for the first time ever. It took a long time for him to put the "L" on Lawson. He would repeat after us "La La La La, Dawsie". He has said "Lawson" twice since the momentous occasion last week, but I think he got too much attention for using it and has moved back to "Dawsie". "Dawsie" likely isn't going any…