Stomach Ache

Thursday, 4:40 pm

My stomach has been aching all day. It is that nervous/anxious feeling. This morning on the way to work I kept thinking, "have I forgot something?" After a mental run through of my to-do list I realized that wasn't the case, so I began thinking, "have I said something to someone or done something I wished I hadn't?" Again, I did a mental check and couldn't think of any interaction that warrented any sort of regret or remorse.

Tripp.

It hit me. Today, 7 months ago I had a bad day. The worst day. As I reflected I realized that twice while getting ready for work I found myself thinking back to what I was doing at that exact same moment 7 months ago. I thought about where I was. I thought about how I felt. I have been thinking like that all day.

Today any second that I had down time, without even thinking about it, my stomach has started turning. Acknowledging why it was turning didn't make it stop. I just had to busy myself and try to stop thinking.

Even as I type I feel sick. So sick I can't imagine eating supper.

I am fearful these feelings could lead to Friday being hard. Being at school has its upside. I am busy at work and as long as I can stay focused, I won't be thinking about the day Tripp died. On the flip side, if I can't stay focused being at school sucks. I am responsible to my students and my sanctuary is kilometers away.

UPDATE: Flowers delivered by Deena to brighten my day.

Comments

  1. I saw you outside your school on Friday with those flowers. I waved at you, but you didn't see me. You have great friends, Jordan. Enjoy your flowers and those around you that love you so much.

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  2. What gorgeous flowers!!! What a great friend Deena is for sending them to you to brighten your day. Hope that your day went okay. I know right now each Sunday is my bad day because it is the day of the week that he died. I just relive it all over again. Today was one of the better Sundays I have had since it happened. Amelia and I spent time together all day today, the weather was really nice and appreciated the fact that I could spend time with her outside before winter comes. There are so many times that I feel guilty because I feel like I shouldn't be doing this well since my son died, I should be in worse shape.

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