Just Jordan

I watched a good TED Talk last night it was by Shawn Achor and titled The happy secret to better work . If you have an extra 12 minutes and 20 seconds today you should watch it. Hugh and I laughed out loud multiple times and it finishes with a really strong message. If you don't have time to watch, here is my Coles' Notes version (minus the funny stories - you will have to watch it if you want those). Most people believe that if they work hard and have success that they will be happy, but Achor is adamant that Hard work DOES NOT equal happy, nor does  Success equal happy. His reasoning is that every time we have success, we just set the bar a little higher. You get a good job, then you want a better job. You get a good grade, then you want a better grade. Achor states that "if happiness is on the opposite side of success, your brain never gets there." Achor states what we need to do is raise our brains level of positivity in the present and this will give us a h...

My list from last week. . . . I have highlighted the items I completed Run 3 times. Finish my marking and email parents from all 4 of my classes. Start doing some photo and video editing on our computer. Along the same lines I also want to head to the future shop to purchase a larger external back-up.  Create Calder's yearly birthday book (Started) Update the photos in Calder's family photo album  Do a family activity everyday . Shop for groceries and make some purchases on that long nagging list of "things" I never seem to get around to purchasing. Probably the most important thing I want to do this week (even though I said "no particular order") is get Tripp's ashes from the funeral home. It's time. I did pretty good on the break completing items on my list. I will share Calder's family photo album with you later this week.  I didn't do nearly as well at eating healthy last week. My present self won ALOT of battles. After e...

Hugh has been wanting to put countertop in our laundry closet since the day we moved in 5 years ago. That project finally made it to the top of his to-do list last week.  Hugh had everything pulled out of the closet before I could even take the "before" photo (I was watching some intense curling and didn't even notice the racket he was making. It is amazing how I have learned how to tune noise out since I had Calder!). Here is the closest I got: You will have to imagine the washer and dryer there with a huge mound of mess on top. Oh no, wait. . . Here is what it pretty much looked like minus the countertop! Ta-Da! The white hamper on the left is now home to all of my cleaning tubs and ice cream pails and the white hamper on the right is filled with repeats of cleaning products (apparently we had some serious over-kill happening) - $9 (Walmart). The baskets on the shelf are filled with guest linen and towels - $55 (1/2 price Michaels). The large basket on ...

Our year of firsts is over. It makes me a bit sad, because it means that we are moving further away from the time we spent with Tripp. At the same time it makes me happy. We are surviving. We made it through 1 year without Tripp. A milestone . Together with the support of family and friends we moved away from our most difficult days. Thanks to all of you who have followed us along our journey, prayed, and passed on words, thoughts, and love through this forum. We have had a busy week. Hugh, Calder and I have done family outings, we have drank coffee until lunch (Calder drank milk ;-), we have visited with family and friends, and we have completed some of our projects. It has been a busy week. I haven't gotten as much checked off my list as I would have liked, but that's how it goes. This week Tripp came first and our relationships came second. My list can wait. I am happy with how I spent my time this week. I am having some technical difficulties with my camera right now, b...

7:50 pm Wednesday, February 22, 2012 One year ago I was in a small little room just off of NICU with Hugh and Tripp. At this exact moment a year ago Hugh and I were gazing at Tripp and couldn't believe he was dying. His skin was flush. He was breathing with ease. He was perfect. All day I have been playing that game. What was I doing one year ago?  It wasn't until today that I realized that February 22nd was the hard day. Tripp died very early in the morning on the 23rd. All of the  crushing news, hard decisions, and utter heartbreak happened on the 22nd. Today had it's moments. We went to visit Tripp's tree tonight. I wanted to put a new LED candle there, but it wasn't necessary. The candle we had left on his birthday was still flickering. We stood there and gazed at his name. Hugh lifted Calder in his arms. Our family is 3 plus 1. Three here plus one in heaven.

One year ago Calder was seriously into cars. Today he is even more into them. He has at least 150 and dumps them out of the bin, lines them up, zooms them, drives them on his parking garage and car mat, and, as all boys will do, he crashes them. One year ago he was really into puzzles. With Calder's car obsession these days it is actually a struggle to get him to play anything but cars. Thus, he is NOT into puzzles! One year ago he was into noodles, ham, sausage, asparagus, caesar salad and yogurt. These foods are still on his favorites list, but I would also add cereal, cucumbers, and peppers. Calder also loves pupcakes - I mean cupcakes! One year ago Calder was stringing 3 and 4 word together. This year he rambles on. One of my favorite things right now is his response to a question like,  Are you going to bring your blanket to the couch? OR Do you like hockey? He will say, "Yes. I am." or "Yes. I do." It sounds WAY to formal! Calder also likes to tal...

Run 3 times. They don't have to be long runs, but I brought my runners home from school and I want to use them. Finish my marking and email parents from all 4 of my classes. This could take at least an afternoon, but it NEEDS to get done if I want to survive the first week back after the break. Start doing some photo and video editing on our computer. Along the same lines I also want to head to the future shop to purchase a larger external back-up (if anyone knows about Apple's Time Machine, I would love your opinion). Create Calder's yearly birthday book (I will preview it around his birthday - March 9, so you will have to wait in suspense until then to check it out). Update the photos in Calder's family photo album (I will post picks of this project once it's updated). I will have to order pictures from Costco.ca to do accomplish this. Do a family activity everyday. I am thinking skating, sledding, the zoo (again), the Western Development Museum, etc. (If y...

I went to see our counsellor, Brad, on Friday. I told him I couldn't wait for this week to be over - That thinks would get back to normal and I will be functioning better after the 23rd. He told me that wasn't a good attitude. I knew it wasn't, but it was how I felt. Brad told me that I had to live through the next week. I had to acknowledge my feelings because Tripp's death did happen. Pretending it didn't happen wouldn't get me the relief I was looking for. Brad went on to ask me what I was doing a year ago. I relayed  THIS story to him. It's about the morning Tripp was born. After I was done that story Brad continued to ask questions about the events that followed and by the end of our session I had re-told Tripp's story. This is something I hadn't done in over 6 months. I cried as I walked Brad back through those 5 days. I left exhausted, but with a feeling of accomplishment. I had lived through those 5 days. I had been present in every moment...

In the morning when Calder came creeping into our room we reminded him that it was Tripp's birthday. He burst into tears and exclaimed, "when is it my birthday?" Soon buddy, soon :-) The Zoo I love this shot of Calder I love this shot of Hugh. The lion cubs. They were in a separate pen from their mother. A bit cruel to me, but what do I know. For a while this was the only way I was going to get a photo taken with Calder. One where he didn't know what was going on.   Then we ran a few races and it was smooth sailing from there "On your mark. Get set. Go!" By this time Hugh was calling me the photo Nazi. This is Tripp's tree. Someone put solar powered butterflies on it. At night you can see them from the street.  Hugh and I check for them every time we drive by. They have been there for a while, but I haven't had my camera to take a picture until yesterday. They are beautiful. Thank-you. We LOVE them. ...

Tripp, Today we are celebrating you . . . Not in the way we wanted or in the way we planned, but we are celebrating that you were brought to us. I was recently re-reading a post from March 9, 2011 titled, Good Life . In it I wrote: When I saw pregnant women and women with small babies and the thought,   it's not fair , popped into my head, I reminded myself that they didn't have what I wanted.   They didn't have Tripp.  I wouldn't trade their beautiful healthy baby for my beautiful sick one and I wouldn't trade a lifetime with their baby for the 5 days I had with Tripp.  I was so lucky to have him even if for such a short time.  There is no doubt in my mind that having Tripp was a   good   thing.  Having Tripp was an amazing thing. That was true then and it is certainly true now. Tripp, we miss you with all our heart. You are a piece of us. You are in our soul. We wish we had you here with us today and every day. ...

On the radio a while back they were debating how much time from your life you would trade to have your "perfect" body without doing any work for. A lot of callers were suggesting that they would give up a year or even more if it meant that for the duration of their life they wouldn't have to worry about working out or about what they ate. Some callers were even saying, "what's the difference between 87 and 88? I could give up that last year for a life-time perfect body, easy." I wonder if these callers had really given their responses any thought or if they had ever lost big.  I gave it some thought and I wouldn't trade one day. Maybe that is easy for me to say because I don't struggle with my weight. I hardly have a "perfect" body, but most days I am very happy with how I look. In all honesty, they posed this question at a time quite early in my grief and the only thing I could think of was that these callers are willing to GIV...

I did some reading last night on the first anniversary of a loved ones death . It reminded me that it is better to have a plan than to just try and "wing" the day. I started by emailing the Cupcake Conspiracy . Months ago when the first thoughts of Tripp's birthday came swirling into my mind I knew that the one thing FOR SURE that we needed was cupcakes. Then a few weeks ago my niece, Maddy, was asking about Tripp's upcoming birthday. She said that we couldn't celebrate because he wasn't here. When I informed her that just because he wasn't here didn't mean we couldn't celebrate she had the brilliant suggestion to have purple cupcakes. Tripp's birthstone is amethyst and a few of the members of my family wear his birthstone, including Maddy. I wanted to combine my favourite cupcakes from the Cupcake Conspiracy with Maddy's thoughtful suggestion so yesterday I emailed them (they were already closed for the day) and asked if they could p...

Tuesday 8:12 pm My job can be exhilarating, fun, and rewarding. My job can also be confrontational, stressful, and frustrating. Everyday can have parts of both lists, but today was a lot of the 2nd list. As we approach the anniversary of Tripp's death I am finding myself to be a lot more angry at things and a lot more sad at things. Today at school my eyes filled with tears on 4 separate occasions. Some of the tears were out of frustration and some out of sadness. At one point, as I sad with my elbows on my desk holding my head in my hands, one of my students said, "Mrs. Hamilton, you look stressed." I was stressed and I was thinking about Tripp. I kind of wished she would have asked why I looked that way. I might have shared Tripp with her in that moment. . . I am going to snuggle on the couch with my Valentine and get to bed early. Here's to a Wednesday filled with more stuff from the first list than the second. The great thing about my job is you can...

Hugh and I fell in love in Florida in August 2005. Hugh could not stop laughing about this our entire trip! These people RENTED a cart to push their stuffed animals. They were super pumped when we asked if we could get a picture with them! Hugh, Loved you then. Love you now. Love you forever. J

In January the ads on my blog made $27.46 . At the start of January I was excited because the ads in December were set to make over $5. As Hugh just said, "at this new pace you could write a cheque to the Children's Hospital for over $300 at the end of the year." UNBELIEVABLE. • • • Calder skiing in Fernie If you are looking for winter wear, Sport Chek has all of their winter coats, ski pants and accessories (toques, mitts, etc.) on for 50% off. The Center location had some great Helly Hanson toddler coats. If we hadn't of forgotten Calder's winter coat when we went snow boarding at Christmas and had to buy a new one in Fernie, I would have totally picked of those up for him (CAN YOU BELIEVE WE DID THAT? We forgot his WINTER COAT. . . when we left town. . . in December. . . It is actually funny now, but at Christmas time I felt like a complete idiot. Well, I still feel like a complete idiot, but at least I am laughing while feeling like an idiot now...

I am actually writing RIGHT NOW! Usually I write in the evening and delay the publishing of the post until the morning. Yesterday was just too busy, so here I am! I don't have time to write anything exciting, but if you have time to do some reading this morning check out my friend Daniele's blog. I lived with Daniele for a while when I lived in P.A. She is a delightful woman and a fabulous mother. Make sure you scroll down to look at her snow day photos. They are beautiful. If you are a parent in and around Saskatoon you will want to check out THIS blog. It is a great place to find information about activities going on in the city. I was introduced to this wonderful blog when the author lost her daughter, Ava. Click on her blog tab if you want to read a bit about her family. If you want to be inspired by generosity check out THIS post. I absolutely LOVE this blog and frequently find myself in awe of this woman and her ability to see things with such clarity and her abi...

It has been a week of my future self vs my present self and I am definitely better for it. I have made lots of good choices for my future self like working through lunch to get "stuff" off my list and not having that extra helping of perigees. I will say my future self didn't fair too well on the weekend. In fact, it lost just about every time. I ate junk food at the rink, hotdogs for supper, and I didn't do any work. I am not that upset about it though. It was the weekend. My hope is that my future self can start winning the occasional weekend battle. One of the things I did this week was start a one minute work-out in the morning. The last few weeks I have really started to notice my lack of strength, so on Thursday morning my future self decided to get my present self's butt into gear. I did 10 sit-ups and 10 push-ups. You guys - I cannot do 1 unassisted sit-up. It is BAD. I am happy to report (for my future self) that my present self is now doing 15 sit-...

Occasionally, Hugh and I play the This or That game in the car. Popcorn OR Peanuts? Fork OR Spoon? Hamburger OR Hotdog? Blue ORGreen? Car OR Truck? Sardines OR Anchovies Edmonton OR Calgary? Summer OR Winter? Rangers OR Islanders? Dogs OR Cats? Mustard OR Ketchup? The key to the game is that you HAVE to pick one. You can't hem and haw and then try and make a case to just sit on the fence. It doesn't matter if you hate both choices or love them both, you have to choose ONE. There are always surprises when we play and often there are minutes of conversation that follow each This OR That justifying why we picked the thing we did. Hugh and I always take turns coming up with the This OR That. Sometimes our discussions will go on so long and get so off course that we forget who's turn it is! I usually have to twist Hugh's arm to get him to play with me, but when I tell him it is either This OR That or Hum That Tune , he quickly comes up with the first ...

We all have those friends. The ones we don't see enough. The ones that regardless of time and distance things always pick up right where they left off.  Courtney is one of those friends. Court and I this past summer at her wedding. Hugh, Court and I the night before our wedding (2006). I had wanted to show a picture of the two of us at my wedding, but I can't find the digital copy of ANY our wedding photos right now. This is a problem. Time flew by tonight. We ate and discussed just about anything and everything under the sun. I loved every minute. As Courtney messaged me tonight after I got home, " I seriously had such a great time tonight. I know I've said it before, but I freakin' love our friendship!! xoxoxoxo " Dito.

We hit up WinterFest on Saturday. It is such a great event put on by our community. They have flooded the creek that runs by the rec centre. It is AWESOME. We didn't take our skates, but Hugh and I are going to take Calder there next weekend (weather permitting). Calder took one step on the ice and laid himself out. It was hilarious.  We did tell him to wait to hold a hand, but Mr. Independent was having NONE of that. Calder was crawling on the ice after his spill You can still see a tear :-(   There were also sleigh rides! This is my fake smile. We had to wait a significant amount of time to get this sleigh ride. Although I am not a patient person by nature, I know there are times in life when you have to wait. Unfortunately, there was a group of about 4 adults and their 6 children that for some bizarre reason completely lost their heads and had forgotten that waiting is a part of life. This group of 10 had just had their turn and the line moved forw...