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Big Hole

This morning in a hurry to get out the door to my IVIG treatment I encouraged Calder to do something I had never asked him to do before. I asked him to race to his room to pick out his own clothes to wear to daycare.

Let me tell you. He. Was. Fast.

He picked out a green shirt (surprise, surprise) and a pair of sweats. As I proudly pulled off his pjs I commented to Hugh what a big boy we had. Hugh joked, "Awww. . . Calder is just getting too big. I think he needs to stop growing up and stay just the way he is."

Calder looked at me as a smile grew across his face and at the same time, we said, "Nooooooooo Way!" I told Calder he was going to be such a big help when the baby came.

"Yes. I am going to get toys for the baby."

"Oh, that would be SUPER helpful, Calder!"

"I can also carry the baby around, because I am really big."

"Well, maybe we'll wait for you to be 5 before you carry the baby around." There is much less damage done if a one year old is dropped ;-)

Our quick little conversation made me ponder the things Calder would be doing right now for Tripp. I bet he would help him find his security "baby" when it was missing. I bet he would help him up on to the couch when it was time to read a book. I bet he would get Tripp a spoon when we forgot to set one on the table.

Our life always feels like something is missing, but usually it feels like a piece of paper that the bottom has been cut off. The piece of paper still functions and to the outside world, it might even be hard to tell our piece of paper is any different than any ordinary 8.5 x 11 piece of paper.

Today is different. Today it feels like our piece of paper has gotten a bit longer, but now has a hole in the middle. The outside world still can't see it, but it is there.

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