Thursday
Wednesday I had a day filled with ups and downs. It was exhausting. All day I tried to figure out what I was going to write. I couldn't come up with one thing that felt inspired.
This lead me to think about not writing. . .
When I first started blogging it was to keep a family record of some of the events in our lives. It was a good way to share stories and pictures with family and friends. Then we had Tripp and my blog became part of my therapy. In a lot of ways my blog became about Tripp. This is a place where he is talked about and remembered. He lives here.
The day I stopped blogging on a daily basis was an emotional day for me. It felt in a lot of ways like letting part of Tripp go. He was wound so tightly through my blog that losing a day of writing felt like losing a piece of him. But I had to live my life and it was beginning to feel like I was writing to write, rather than writing to keep family records or writing for therapy.
Last night those same thoughts ran through my head. I questioned if not posting was the best thing to do. I didn't want to write, but part of me still felt obligated to do so. Ultimately, I concluded that my writing was never meant to feel like an obligation. With that I knew I needed to take a night off.
When I write, "take a night off," it seems like it should have been no big deal. We all need and deserve breaks from things in our lives - our jobs, our kids, our spouses, our homes. Girl's night out, a date night with your spouse, a vacation away from home and a vacation at home are all things that help us rejuvenate ourselves. Deena and I talked about this on our trip - having a break from our everyday obligations makes us appreciate them more and gives us motivation to be "super" mom, teacher, wife, house cleaner, or even "super blogger" I guess.
Even though not writing was the right decision, it didn't feel like it was. I felt guilty as I read my book on the couch while Hugh watched hockey. I felt guilty when I washed my face and crawled into bed. I felt guilty in the shower Thursday morning and even contemplated if I had ten minutes to spare to do a quick post. I felt guilty all day at school and didn't even let myself visit my blog, because I couldn't be sure I wouldn't just post some random apology for not writing.
I think what it comes down to is that I am afraid that if I stop writing everyday, people will stop coming here. I know when people are coming here they are thinking about Tripp and I just don't want him to be forgotten. I know that I won't forget him and that our family and friends won't forget him, but I want everyone to remember him.
Unrealistic -Yes. . . But I'm working on that.
So with that, I will let you know that I may not write everyday. I know I will still write a lot - because I truly do enjoy it, but I won't feel obligated on a random Wednesday night to force a post out.
I will leave you with some photos from a great Saturday last weekend with a fabulous group of friends and their families.
Have a great weekend, everyone! Hopefully the sun shines and we can enjoy the outdoors!
This lead me to think about not writing. . .
When I first started blogging it was to keep a family record of some of the events in our lives. It was a good way to share stories and pictures with family and friends. Then we had Tripp and my blog became part of my therapy. In a lot of ways my blog became about Tripp. This is a place where he is talked about and remembered. He lives here.
The day I stopped blogging on a daily basis was an emotional day for me. It felt in a lot of ways like letting part of Tripp go. He was wound so tightly through my blog that losing a day of writing felt like losing a piece of him. But I had to live my life and it was beginning to feel like I was writing to write, rather than writing to keep family records or writing for therapy.
Last night those same thoughts ran through my head. I questioned if not posting was the best thing to do. I didn't want to write, but part of me still felt obligated to do so. Ultimately, I concluded that my writing was never meant to feel like an obligation. With that I knew I needed to take a night off.
When I write, "take a night off," it seems like it should have been no big deal. We all need and deserve breaks from things in our lives - our jobs, our kids, our spouses, our homes. Girl's night out, a date night with your spouse, a vacation away from home and a vacation at home are all things that help us rejuvenate ourselves. Deena and I talked about this on our trip - having a break from our everyday obligations makes us appreciate them more and gives us motivation to be "super" mom, teacher, wife, house cleaner, or even "super blogger" I guess.
Even though not writing was the right decision, it didn't feel like it was. I felt guilty as I read my book on the couch while Hugh watched hockey. I felt guilty when I washed my face and crawled into bed. I felt guilty in the shower Thursday morning and even contemplated if I had ten minutes to spare to do a quick post. I felt guilty all day at school and didn't even let myself visit my blog, because I couldn't be sure I wouldn't just post some random apology for not writing.
I think what it comes down to is that I am afraid that if I stop writing everyday, people will stop coming here. I know when people are coming here they are thinking about Tripp and I just don't want him to be forgotten. I know that I won't forget him and that our family and friends won't forget him, but I want everyone to remember him.
Unrealistic -Yes. . . But I'm working on that.
So with that, I will let you know that I may not write everyday. I know I will still write a lot - because I truly do enjoy it, but I won't feel obligated on a random Wednesday night to force a post out.
I will leave you with some photos from a great Saturday last weekend with a fabulous group of friends and their families.
Have a great weekend, everyone! Hopefully the sun shines and we can enjoy the outdoors!
I will always be back... ;) Even if you don't post every day.
ReplyDeleteThat's just the trouble with stalkers... ;)
Jordan, even if you never wrote again here, no one that has been touched by this blog will ever forget Tripp. He is permanently engraved on our hearts and our minds, and I hope you realize that. Write when you are inspired to write and when you want to write. Don't ever feel guilty for not being here while you enjoy life doing something else.
ReplyDeleteJordon,
ReplyDeleteDon't ever feel guilty about not posting. I will continue to visit your blog every day...and if there isn't a post I will read an old post that inspired me, think about your family and how strong you are to have shared your story and how inspiring that is in itself. Then I will return to my day and come back the next day.
Never force yourself to do anything that you don't enjoy. Because it isn't the fact that you are writing that inspires people or makes them remember Tripp. It is what you are feeling and what you are writing from the heart that inspires people and helps them to remember Tripp...and that happens whether you write/post once a week or 7 times a week.
Jordan - continue to write when you are moved or compelled to write, not because you feel obligated. People will continue to follow your story and remember you, Hugh and both of your sons.