Forever Baby

Tuesday 9:25 pm

Today was a day I thought about Tripp a lot.

It started when I read THIS blog. It made me cry and wonder what Tripp would say to me if he could.

I went into the city today. Alone. It was a treat to have time to think on my own. I heard songs on the radio that brought Tripp to my mind and tears to my eyes. I'm not even sure now what the songs were. I think it was maybe a day that I needed to have a cry and those songs gave me the freedom to release.

I went shopping for a dress to wear to my brother's wedding in August. While I shopped I thought of the last time I attended a traditional wedding 2 years ago. I was nervous about seeing people and self conscious about how I looked. I was sporting my post-pregnancy body without my baby on my hip. This time I was much kinder with myself as I shopped. It helps that Boone is here and he will be on my hip at Luke's wedding.

I went to a couple of stores looking for something that Boone could wear to the wedding. While in the Gap I got flustered as I approached the baby section. I felt like I did after Tripp died. I looked at the newborn clothes at the front of the racks and felt a bit sick. Boone is well out of those clothes and although he's still a baby, 4 months is not a newborn. Newborn is back to meaning Tripp.

On the drive home from the city, I let my mind wander to places I don't normally let it. I needed a cry.

“Each new life,no matter how brief, forever changes the world.”

Good night, baby. I love you.


  1. I read that blog last night and I wondered what Cohen would say to me too.
    My thoughts.

  2. B,

    The first thing I think Tripp would say to me is that he can feel how much I love him. I also think he would tell me that it is okay to be sad, because that is just a byproduct of loving him so much. But he would also tell me not to be sad too much, because he is okay and I need to be the best mom I can for Tripp and Boone. I also know he would tell me that he is excited for the next time I get to wrap my arms around him.


  3. What a beautiful blog. Makes me wonder what kael would say.... I love your thoughts on tripp. Hugs mama!!

  4. <3 What a powerful and insightful person you are. Not only for your acceptance of your grief (and willingness to share it's journey with us again and again), but also for your belief in what Tripp would tell you if he could. You are so wise. Lots of love your way. <3


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