I made it.

The last month I have been doing a lot of reflecting about where I was a year ago and where I am now. I hadn't taught a full year since 2007 - 2008 and in September I questioned if I was capable of making it an entire year. I wondered if I loved my job enough to be happy going to work every day.

Turns out I do.

There were some REALLY hard days in the fall and a few more REALLY hard days in February. I am sure those weren't my best teaching days, but I did teach. I survived.

There were other days when I was stressed to the max. There were days when I was so tired and grumpy that I didn't perform by best. But those days would come and go, and I was always left with a feeling of satisfaction. I really like going to work.

I made it an entire year. Yet, I am still surprised that I did. There were times, alone in my classroom, that I would start to cry. How can I be here? Sitting here working? Tripp is dead. How is it that I am a functioning "normally"? Tripp is gone. Often times there wasn't a trigger for these moments. They just were. A friend told me that her grandfather died young and her mom still has moments, 40 years later. Out of no where her mother will be so overwhelmed with grief of the loss of her father that she will find herself sobbing. There is comfort for me in knowing what is to come. I will be having these moments for the rest of my life. And sometimes those moments will happen at work.

I made it through my first school year without my baby. One more milestone to check off my list.