Just Jordan

Today is the end of my IVIG treatments. Part of me can't believe it is here and the other part thinks it took an eternity. These treatments started out as a bit of a novelty. A day away from work. Six hours to sleep, read, knit, and relax. It wasn't quite a spa day, but parts of it were really great. As the weeks wore on it got harder to leave my classroom ( I truly believed that my students learned best when I was there. Not to take ANYTHING away from the people who covered my classes - they were fabulous - kids just thrive with a routine and consistency), c hecking Facebook statuses all day started getting boring, and the 8 am start time got exhausting. These last few weeks have been especially hard. I am sure part of that is due to the end being so near, but it has also been frightfully cold and leaving the house at all has become a chore. This experience has given me a greater appreciation for anybody who goes in on a regular basis for a medical treatment (like thos...

A while ago I asked Michelle Horvath if she would draw a portrait of both Calder and Tripp. Although she doesn't do commission work anymore, she read about our journey and wanted to be a part of it. I am so thrilled she did. The portraits turned out beautifully.  Calder is on the left; Tripp is on the right. Now, hopefully I can convince her to do a third so I can have a matching set :-)

Hugh has been telling me to "Pack my suitcase" for over a month. No, he isn't kicking his pregnant wife to the curb! He knows me and doesn't want to be involved in the panic that will ensure in our house if I go into labour without a packed bag. I have been avoiding doing anything to get ready for this baby. I haven't bought a single thing. I haven't pulled out any baby items, cloth diapers, monitors, bedding or even a single sleeper. I don't want to be in a position to have to return items to a store, or even pack away a tub of clothing if this baby doesn't come home. I didn't even want to pack a suitcase and it wasn't until last week that I realized that one of the very few things I can actually bank on is giving birth to this baby. I don't know what the process will look like, but this babe is only getting bigger and it can't stay all cosy in my belly forever. So although, I refuse to make plans for bringing a baby home, I can ...

You may have noticed that I am following a new blog called, Just a Peanut Butter Mother . The author, Andrea, is a long time friend of mine. She lived in a town about 1/2 hour from Tisdale and we played ball together growing up. She is a fabulous ball player and fiercely competitive - let's just say we got along smashingly :-) One of my favorite "Andrea" moments, not surprisingly, came at the diamond. I think I was relaying some story about how my current boyfriend was deathly afraid of my dad. I mean, I knew completely why this teenage boy was afraid of my dad, but still it annoyed me. My dad was a butcher. He looked angry most of the time. His nickname was "Hacksaw." And to top it off, my dad probably said less than 10 words to the boy in the almost year we dated. In hindsight, that may have had something to do with the fact that Dad couldn't remember my boyfriend's name. This is a flaw of my dad's. One time in high school my dad asked me who was...

On Thursday morning Calder and I headed to the Soccer Center for a Drop-in Playgroup.  They have an abundance of toys for kids ages 6 months to 5 years spread out on one of the fields and there is plenty of space for kids to run and play. I met two moms that morning. Both asked me if I was expecting my 2nd. This question is a hard one for me. I have struggled with it since the moment Tripp died. But on Thursday, I told both of those mom's that I was expecting my 3rd. It used to really bother me when I would divulge that information and then not get some sort of, "I'm so sorry" in return. I am beginning to realize that when I don't get it, it isn't because the person isn't sorry. It is because I have shocked them with what I've said and they are struggling to respond in any way. So when only one of the mom's said it, I was truly okay with it. I also think that because I am getting more comfortable saying it, I am better able to read other peop...

My skin colour matches our walls in this picture. That is not good! I will be 34 weeks on Wednesday!   I am really trying to focus on enjoying each moment of this pregnancy. I am starting to get a bit anxious to have this baby - I want to know FOR SURE it is healthy, but I also know that these last moments with my baby safely stowed away in my belly are really special too. On Friday I had a doctor's appointment. I have 2 more IVIG appointments left (they finish at 35 weeks) and I asked Dr. M why they don't go right up to the moment we have the baby. She said that there is some indication that the treatment provides no benefit after 35 weeks and that there is a school of thought that it is better for the baby to have all of the IVIG out of my system when I go into labour. I am definitely NOT sad I only have 2 treatments left - Just scared about what that means for my baby (I don't want my stupid antibodies attacking). I had an ultrasound on Friday as well. Dr. M said...

I have been feeling a bit out of sorts the last couple of days. In an effort to pin down what is going on I have stumbled on sad, worried, stressed, tired, sore, and scared. None of these emotions have been overwhelming, but I have been constantly feeling some lingering residue of them the past few days. Ultimately I think it boils down to the fact that there are so many things I want to do, but physically can't. I get crampy, sore, and tired extremely easily. I would say I can do about 1/2 an hour of walking around at a time - and then I need at least an hour on the couch to get back to feeling "normal". I can't even sit at the computer for extended periods without my Braxton Hicks getting out of control. I know I am at home to take it easy, but it sucks when I feel like I am not accomplishing anything in a day. My only saving grace has been Calder. He has been home with me, save a couple of afternoons a week. I have moments of feeling like super mom (making heal...

I know you have all been writhing with anticipation waiting for me to post pictures of what I wore to my sister's wedding. Wait no more!  I found the top at Motherhood ($45), the jeggings at American Eagle ($35 and purchased one size larger than I normally wear and worn with the button undone - I refuse to purchase any more maternity pants and quite frankly when the button is undone they are my most comfy pants!). You can't see, but I also purchased new knee high boots. Mine old ones were 3 years old and looked it. The boots were by far my most expensive purchase ($270 gasp!) , but I was desperate and tired of shopping by the time I got to adding shoes to the outfit! LOL The boots are gorgeous and comfy and I plan to wear them for at least the next 3 years! Please compliment me on them whenever you see me in them - I still cringe at the amount of money I paid and your compliments will make me feel better! Hugh is a bit hidden in the background, which is too bad bec...

I am backlogged creating home videos. I have finally finished all of 2011, save the month of February.  I had good intentions of tackling that last month today and putting the 2011 home videos behind me. I have never watched the video we took of Tripp. So watching felt like going right back to the time in my life that he really was with us. We took some footage of Tripp when he was just over 24 hours old. He is so beautiful in that footage. Hugh and I sound so happy as we talk about him. The only other footage we took was when he was 4 days old. He is so sick. I couldn't watch it all. I turned it off and had to close iMovie. I just can't stop crying about it. I want to scream, "It's not fair," but it doesn't matter how loud I yell, there is nothing that can be done about it. He was sick and he died. I had contemplated how to weave Tripp's footage into the rest of our footage from February 2011, not quite sure how to do it in a meaningful way. I h...

I updated the baby and can't help but follow that up with an update on Calder! Calder got 2 race cars in his stocking to go with a race track he got from Santa. When you ask him what he got for Christmas he will tell you, "Number 10 and number 14". These are the numbers on those two race cars! He LOVES those things! They retail for about $3 each if Santa were to buy them at Walmart! LOL. We gave Calder a letter puzzle and since the two of us have been spending most of our days together at home, he has really gotten into it. This has worked well for me for two reasons. #1 I can't do a lot of running around (if any) right now. #2 I really dislike playing cars (not to mention I am totally pathetic at making car sounds!). Hugh and Calder did a lot of coloring over the break and Calder has continued this interest during the day with me. Calder is busy learning the days of the week. This has been really helpful for us when trying to explain to him when things are goin...

I don't think I posted about our ultrasound on the 24th - Everything looked great. The baby is measuring above average and my placenta looks great as well. Calder was very pumped to see the baby. The tech was fabulous with Calder giving him a little tour after she had done her thing. She got a great view of the baby's profile and Calder is quick to imitate the baby opening and closing it's mouth if you ask him what he saw! I am officially 32 weeks! Hooray! Next goal is 35 weeks. I am not sure why this is the goal - possibly because Tripp was born at 35 weeks - but maybe also to do with the fact that my last IVIG treatment is at 35 weeks. I had an appointment with my OBG yesterday. My fundal height  measured 34 cm. Fundal height should be within 2 cm of the number of weeks pregnant you are. The fact that I measured over the number of weeks goes along perfectly with the ultrasound from two weeks prior (the baby was measuring above average in size there as well). My next ...

I can't count the number of times a student comes to me in the morning exasperated because they couldn't figure out a math question from their homework the previous night. Once we sit down and look at it it becomes clear that the student understands the content, but they have made a simple math error (like adding 2 + 3 = 6). This leads me straight to my "Math gets harder when we are tired" speech. It isn't just for them - if I am tired at work, I feel cloudy and it becomes hard for me to find their "simple math errors" too. On to Chapter 2 in Nurture Shock by PO Bronson & Ashley Merryman! I am really getting into this book :-)  Chapter 2 is titled, "The Lost Hour" and the content revolves around the sleep our children are getting. The two big things I pulled from it revolve around learning and obesity. Dr. Avi Sadeh did an experiment with 4th and 6th graders. He asked one of the random groups to go to bed one hour earlier and one gro...

In a stall at the Shellbrook rink: "Mommy, you have a flat weiner." "Yes, I guess I do." "I have a big weiner. And Daddy has a big, big, big, weiner." While getting Calder dressed last week: "Mommy, I can see your boob crack." Apparently, I needed to pull up my camisole a bit! At home last week: Hugh was explaining to Calder that I had a bad cold. "Calder, Mommy isn't feeling" Calder walked over to Hugh, slipped his arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, "Yes, because she has boobs and a flat weiner." While getting ready for work before the break: After Hugh hopped out of the shower, Calder exclaimed, "Daddy, you have big boobs and I have small boobs." Calder then runs out to the kitchen where I am at the table having breakfast, "Mommy, you used to have small boobs, now you have big ones." Have a wonderful weekend, everyone!

Friday, December 21 was stressful for me - and not just because I had nothing to wear to my sister's wedding. The last day of work before Christmas is exhausting. Kids go crazy and there are many loose ends to tie up before heading out the door at 3:30. I had two groups writing an exam and a set of exams to mark from the Thursday. I had wanted to get as much marking done as possible to eliminate the amount of work I had to do over the break. On top of that, I was cleaning my classroom. Not the spring cleaning type - I was clearing everything out, because Friday was my last day of work. So yes, finding an outfit was a MAJOR deal, but so was being done work. I struggled with the decision after speaking to my OBGYN, so I did a bit of writing about it. I'm glad I took the time to sort through my feelings. It made me feel good 2 weeks ago and again today when I re-read it. Thursday, Dec. 13 I am struggling with being done work at the end of December. When I went to ...

Our Christmas break began with a bang. And although on Friday I had a student ask me if the bang was from a shotgun, it wasn't! It was a wedding, though, just not the shotgun variety. My sister, Jessica, got hitched. "She was engaged?" you ask.  On Thursday, December 20, Jes and her boyfriend, Nate, stopped by our house to celebrate their last day of work and to visit my parents who had come in to give me a hand with a few things that Friday (Well, my mom was giving me a hand - Dad was heading to Princess Auto). It was while I had my head in my baking cupboard looking for the Christmas sprinkles that they announced their engagement! I missed the moment, but wasn't surprised! Jes and Nate are a fabulous couple and Hugh and I both knew it was only time before they got married. That time turned out to be less than 24 hours after they announced their engagement to us and when they officially signed the papers (The ceremony was December 21 at 4:30 pm). "Were y...

The welcome back is for myself. I hadn't planned on taking a blogging break. It just happened. Things were too busy with family to make time for me - and that was okay. There hasn't been a day that goes by that I haven't thought of something I wanted to write about. I just didn't take the time to do it. So here I am in 2013. I feel quite different than I did a year ago. At the start of 2012 Hugh and I were making family plans and it was quite stressful. In 2013 we are stressed awaiting the arrival of the decision we came to a year ago. I am relieved to get to 2013. I don't want to have this baby early, but I really didn't want to have it in December. I am 31 weeks now and at 32 weeks premies have a very good rate of survival. Our premie maybe in a different boat because of NH, but I will be glad when next Wednesday rolls around and I officially hit #32. 2012 marked the last of my "Grief Firsts" and it also marked a time where I learned more about...