Just Jordan

Everything happens for a reason... That is one of the worst things I can possibly hear when it comes to Tripp's death. In my mind there is no good explanation as to why Tripp was taken when he was and the idea that God has a bigger plan doesn't sit well with me. The God I believe in is good. He wouldn't hurt Tripp on purpose. He wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I remember the first time I heard someone say it. I know exactly who said it to me. In fact, I know every single time it was said to me and who said it in each case. That is how badly it makes me feel. I heard it most recently this fall. I felt sick about it for 3 days. I don't think any of these people meant it maliciously. They were trying to be comforting. The problem is "Everything happens for a reason" is not comforting. I mean, think about it, what kind of reason would be a good one for ending the life of an infant? Maybe Tripp was going to grow up and commit a horrific crime?    Maybe I did s...

Calder was concerned last week as we drove down circle drive. I was chugging back my bottle of water when this conversation occurred: C: Mom, you're not allowed to drink and drive. J: I know babe. That means not drinking anything with alcohol like beer or Palm Bay while you drive. C: Oh, so you can drink water. . . or pop . . . or juice. J: Yep, you got it. C: Well, I can drink anything I want, because I'm not driving. I'm not sure if Calder was referring to having a pop or possibly a Palm Bay! Hugh LOVES Palm Bays as does my sister and dad, so there are always plenty in our fridge at the lake. For a treat this summer, Calder would occasionally get some ginger ale and orange juice when everyone was having their adult beverages. It would get a bit confusing for guests when Calder would ask for a Palm Bay. He thought his ginger ale was called Palm Bay. The super confusing part would be when he would argue with us that he should be allowed to have a Palm Bay because ...

Seriously. Close the box. Wrap these two up. They are it. All. I. Want. The two of them played in the box for probably 20 minutes. Boone only got hurt twice. Surprisingly, neither time was Calder's fault. There is nothing I need for Christmas. I consider myself very fortunate for that, but I do definitely have some wants. I have been shopping around for some brown boots and have tried on more than 20 pairs only to come up empty handed. I have found a pair I adore at Town Shoes (they are THESE Steve Madden), but am waiting for my size to come in to try on. Technically, these will be my birthday boots from my mom, so I guess they won't be a Christmas gift. Nevertheless, if I get them before Christmas I may just wrap them and put them under the tree. It is fun to open presents on Christmas morning! Ha! I also want THIS pair of brown Uggs. They are so warm and cozy and fit right into my lifestyle. Hint, Hint, Hugh.  I hope that I get some candles in my stocking and maybe...

For me and our house, the Christmas season starts Dec. 1. We don't turn on our lights until then (which by the way, Hugh has avoided taking down in the spring for two straight years) and I don't do any decorating. I will do Christmas "stuff" before Dec. 1, though. I like to enjoy the Christmas season and shopping in packed malls is one of my least favourite things to do, so I typically try to get that done in November. I have done a bit of online shopping and yesterday spent a few hours in the city kidless, so I am getting close to wrapping it up. Hugh and I are going to try and get a sitter and go into the city one day next week so we can completely finish it up. Hugh and I came up with a comprehensive list last night, so we should be able to be fairly efficient shoppers! I am also going to try and wrap all the gifts in November. I actually HATE wrapping so this will knock one more thing I dread off the December to-do list and since Calder recently stumbled upon one ...

No, there isn't some mass overhaul coming that will have all your friends posting annoying backlash. The changes to Facebook I'm chatting about today are changes that I am making to how I use the social media. I used to be a "creeper" or a "snooper". I was on Facebook almost everyday, but usually made it my mission not to be seen. I didn't want people knowing I was creeping on them, because quite frankly, I was worried that would make me look creepy. I also worried that people would judge me for being on Facebook everyday (A perfect example of me being worried about being judged - how dumb!).  I rarely commented on anything, nor did I click "like" when I saw things I actually liked. I only posted a status update or new photo a couple times a year. A couple of things changed that this year. First I posted a new pic of our baby boy. The response was overwhelming. I felt so much love from all the comments and every single "like" (I a...

I have always thought I would be a hockey mom. Maybe because my mom was? I'm not sure. But then when I married a hockey player, it felt like that fate began coming true. Now that Calder has his hockey gear it is actually beginning. He starts Huskie Hockey Camp for 4-year olds on Saturday mornings in January. I read this nice little article on Facebook, called A Hockey Dad's Last Ride . Made me want to appreciate every moment. . . Olympics? Yes, please! I LOVE them. I was very lucky to have been off work for the last winter Olympics (it was the end of Calder's maternity leave) and I will be off for Sochi 2014. My favorite sports to watch are hockey and curling, but I seriously like all of them.  I saw THIS video on Facebook this morning. It made me cry. Figure skating might be my least favorite sport at the Olympics (remember I love them all ;-)), but I will be cheering my heart out for Virtue and Moir to repeat as Olympic champions. . . My status update this morning on...

I have been delaying writing the posts about the boys because I don't want people to think I am bragging. I know. . . "Don't worry about what others think." So here I am writing about what they are up to. It wasn't as hard to write about Boone, since basically all of his triumphs have nothing to do with us. Calder is a whole didn't story. . . He is learning so much right now. It is incredible. I am so proud of how hard he is working. It may sound like bragging, but honestly, this is all Calder and I want a permanent record of his triumphs in my blog. The last couple of months Calder has been soaking up knowledge. It is amazing. I will start this post back at the end of August. The summer was over. Hugh was back to work, so Calder and I started doing "school" work together. I had a list of things for him to work on and he would get a sticker every time he did one. Five stickers meant he could play on the iPad (This was virtually the only time he was...

Boone is constantly changing. It is hard to believe he is 8 months old today. The last couple of months Boone has had a cranky time right before supper that I not-so-affectionately call "The Witching Hour". During this time he insists on being carried around. I have become an expert at getting supper ready around 3 pm. This way I only have to do a couple of things during "The Witching Hour" to get a meal on the table by the time Hugh gets home from work! This week we have had a couple of days without his pre-meal crankiness, so I am hoping that this phase is on its way out! All that said, Boone is definitely our happy baby. Boone attended his first Shellbrook Elks' hockey game 2 weeks ago. He normally goes to bed between 6:00 and 6:30 pm for the night, so I pictured him falling asleep in the van and remaining asleep for the duration of the game. Boone had a completely different picture in his mind. As soon as we put the van in park he popped his eyes open an...

This year I was able to grow 3 small pumpkins in our back alley. I was excited to bake with them. One got smashed while it was still on the vine. I was so disappointed (don't even talk to me about the squash that grew through our fence to the alley side and got STOLEN). Luckily, Hugh and Calder picked out 4 pumpkins to carve that were tiny. I scoffed at the size and promptly started cooking them, convincing Calder a bigger jack-o-lantern was better! I have never cooked pumpkin before, but my friend, Kerri inspired me to get on it. She had close to 40 little pumpkins in her garden! It was super easy and quick. I am not against canned pumpkin, but like anything homemade, the real deal just tastes better. So here it is. . . Gut the pumpkin. I didn't bother trying to get my hand in through the top (although my tiny hands would easily fit. My brother and sister call my hands "Carney" hands. . . Like I could be in some side show at a circus they are so small). Note Boon...

We have a rule at our house that you have to try one bite of everything on the table at meal time. I can't remember when we started this . . . I guess it must have been around the time Calder could understand what "One Bite" meant . . . Maybe 1.5 years or 2?  Hugh and I always made sure there was something on the table we knew Calder would eat and everything else he just had to try. This might mean we were having a stir-fry and Calder had to try each of the veggies (at first he didn't like the sauce and that they were all mixed together) and then he could just eat rice. If we were having pasta, we would put a spoonful of sauce on the side and he would just try one bite while filling up on salad and spaghetti. I think because we really stuck to this rule, at 4.5 years old we have an amazing eater. Calder will try anything (because he knows if he doesn't immediately like it, he won't be forced to eat it) and it is now very rare that he doesn't like somethi...

I am feeling less sad today, but I still wanted to share THIS video. It is called It Happens To A Family Every 21 Minutes, Yet No One Is Talking About It I saw it posted on a friend's Facebook wall. She is someone I met through the loss of our babies. She lost her angel 3 years ago this past week.  When I first saw the video post I didn't want to watch it. I knew it would make me cry. I pondered it for a couple of days and in the end watched it in honour of my friend's baby. I connected in so many ways. I am glad I watched it. I wanted to share in case there is someone else out there reading my blog that wants a connection and to feel a bit less alone on this journey. Happy Tuesday.

Tripp used to always be one of the first things I thought of when I opened my eyes, but last week I realized that I don't think of Tripp before getting out of bed anymore. I'm not sure when that started happening but I have been tearing up about it ever since I became aware. The thing is, I know that it is okay if it takes me until I hop in the shower or have my first sip of coffee before he hops into my mind, but for some reason still hurts. I am grieving less and although I know that it is a good thing, it is just another reminder of how far I am moving from the moment I got to hold him in my arms. Maybe I need to think of it as moving closer to the moment I get to hold him again. . . I told Hugh about my revelation last night. I could barely spit out the words. Saying it out loud hurt more than I ever expected. Since I became aware I have been trying each night to make a note to pay attention in the morning to when I think about him. Silly, really. If I actually remember...