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Mother's Day Reflection

We were at my parents this weekend and after a bit of a sleep in on Sunday I devoured some pancakes and breakfast sausage (there is no better than my dad's). My mom, brother, Hugh, Calder, Boone, and I then joined my Grandma Fritshaw at her church service later in the morning. It was the first time I have been to church since before Tripp died, with the exception of a funeral. I believe in God. I just am still not sure how the church fits into my life, yet. When we arrived at Grandma's church we were welcomed by numerous members of her congregation. What a friendly group of people! I spent most of the service in the "babies" room. Boone was hungry and cranky. When I finally got him settled the sermon was winding down. The pastor's wife played THIS video for us.

It is worth a watch - although I didn't watch the whole thing. It is a video about a mother's love. I knew when it started playing it would be sad, but would have an uplifting message. I immediately felt a bit of panic coming on, but looked into my arms and smiled at my baby. I knew that I could handle this video.

I was wrong.

The mother in the video got bad news at her 19 week ultrasound. Then on February 18, 2011 she gave birth to her son, Christian, but didn't know if they would even be able to bring him home alive. I went from handling it, to not handling it at all. On February 18, 2011 I gave birth to my son. I did not bring him home alive.

I started crying and walked to the back of the church. Hugh and Calder joined me a few moments later. The mother did bring her baby home. He has no eyes and a cleft palate.

It was a strange event. My first time in a church. Mother's day. My son's birthday.

I don't believe things happen for a reason, nor do I don't believe God "makes" things happen. There is way too much ugly in the world for me to believe an all powerful God, who loves all of us, would let gang rape happen, or let children be forced into rebel armies, or let innocent babies die. One thing I do believe in is the connections we have with people, but I am not sure what this connection means - or if it means anything. I did leave a message on a facebook page. I don't know if Christian's mom will see it, but maybe me even just writing this post will make a connection with someone else who will benefit from watching Chrisian's story.

Regardless, on a day I had Tripp at the forefront of my thoughts, I watched a video about a mother's unconditional love. The same kind of love of I have for all my kids.


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