It's been a while
It has been so long I'm not even sure how to start.
We have had some ups and downs the last two weeks. Most times when I start spinning a blog post I want to complain about one of the (seemingly infinite) difficulties we are having. Then I come to my senses. I don't want to write a complainy post. I am not convinced it will make me feel better and all the things I want to complain about come with having a newborn. And that is something I really don't want to complain about on this forum.
When Tripp first died there were many, many times where I held my breath or cried as a mother complained about struggles with nursing or her lack of sleep. I would have given ANYTHING to have her problems. All I could think about as she spoke or as I read the status on Facebook was, "If only you knew what it meant not to have those problems."
There were other times after Tripp died where I would be talking with a friend and they would begin to complain about some aspect of their lives (kids, husband, work, etc.) only to stop themselves in mid-sentence to apologize. They would say something like, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be complaining to you. This does not even come close to what you are going through." They were right. A kid not napping well or a husband who constantly forgets to put pop cans in the recycling doesn't comparing to losing someone you love, but I wanted to hear those things. I wanted a "normal" conversation with my friends.
I am not sure exactly where I am going with this.
I guess at the end of the day I am aware that there are people who read my blog who might not be lucky enough to have lost sleep because of their newborn and when I am of sound, rested mind I am thanking every lucky star that the sleep I have lost these last 4 weeks is from having Boone here and is not like the sleep I lost when Tripp was not.
I am going to complain about my (seemingly infinite) difficulties, but I think I will leave my complaining for a smaller more intimate setting.
We have had some ups and downs the last two weeks. Most times when I start spinning a blog post I want to complain about one of the (seemingly infinite) difficulties we are having. Then I come to my senses. I don't want to write a complainy post. I am not convinced it will make me feel better and all the things I want to complain about come with having a newborn. And that is something I really don't want to complain about on this forum.
When Tripp first died there were many, many times where I held my breath or cried as a mother complained about struggles with nursing or her lack of sleep. I would have given ANYTHING to have her problems. All I could think about as she spoke or as I read the status on Facebook was, "If only you knew what it meant not to have those problems."
There were other times after Tripp died where I would be talking with a friend and they would begin to complain about some aspect of their lives (kids, husband, work, etc.) only to stop themselves in mid-sentence to apologize. They would say something like, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be complaining to you. This does not even come close to what you are going through." They were right. A kid not napping well or a husband who constantly forgets to put pop cans in the recycling doesn't comparing to losing someone you love, but I wanted to hear those things. I wanted a "normal" conversation with my friends.
I am not sure exactly where I am going with this.
I guess at the end of the day I am aware that there are people who read my blog who might not be lucky enough to have lost sleep because of their newborn and when I am of sound, rested mind I am thanking every lucky star that the sleep I have lost these last 4 weeks is from having Boone here and is not like the sleep I lost when Tripp was not.
I am going to complain about my (seemingly infinite) difficulties, but I think I will leave my complaining for a smaller more intimate setting.
Life can be frustrating, especially with kids, and on those days, complaining about it and hearing others go through the same thing does have a calming effect. A person sometimes needs to just vent. At the end of the day, you do know it could be a lot worse and there are people who would love to be in your situation, but for the moment you feel as you do and if it means you need to complain or vent, then so be it! Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day!
ReplyDeleteI have been anxious to hear how things have been. If you ever need to talk, I am here and I do not think speaking about the hard times as a new mom is complaining at all. Sometimes it helps to hear we have all been there and this 'baby moon blissdom' people always talk about is only but one faucet of being a new mom.
ReplyDeleteIt really does get better. Before you know it, this difficult part will be history (and one that we somehow don't remember very accurately anyway, probably from the lack of sleep and the effect that has on the brain!)
I read this article today, and it reminded me of your blog post:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2013/04/before-i-forget-what-nobody-remembers-about-new-motherhood/274981/
The newborn period (well parenting in general) IS hard; don't feel bad. (But glad to hear you're feeling better!)