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If I had a magic wand. . .

A couple of weeks ago I became aware how often Tripp gets mentioned by Calder. I would say, on average, he mentions him 4 - 5 days a week. Some of the things he has recently said:

"Our whole family is in this bathroom. We can't see Tripp, but he is here."
"Tripp is older than you, Boone."
"I think Tripp would play with Sam and Claire if he was in kindergarten. If he was in the other class he would probably play with Max."
"Tripp would sit next to me if he were here."

The art work around the world map was done by Calder at the end of August. You can't really tell, but Calder's name is cut out on the left hand side (it starts at the bottom). Also, not sure why he put the Ps on top Tripp's name! 

Boone also has started inadvertently talking more about Tripp. If you recall in the spring we had a little exchange that led from Tripp being dead, to heaven, to Kevin the minion. There have been a number of times in the last 2 weeks Boone has started talking about people going to Kevin and that he doesn't want people to go.  Two night's ago we heard him shouting, "Calder took Tripp. Give me back Tripp." Took us a moment to figure out that he had dropped the "bear" from the name of the stuffie given to Tripp in the hospital that we call Tripp's bear. This stuffie is a frequent addition to Boone's bed.
Calder brought his portfolio home from school last week. These were just two of the at least 1/2 dozen places that Calder mentioned Tripp. 

I remember after Tripp died wondering what Calder's grief journey would look like. I would have never guess that Tripp would play such a large part in Calder's life. Sometimes I would just like to sneak in his head to get a clearer picture of the impact. 
Last Thursday we had parent teacher interviews. There was a collage outside his classroom of posters that each student in his class made. The first thing I noted was his family portrait. I thought his drawing was typical for a grade 2 student. I was completely clueless. Most of the kids in his class drew pictures that could have been in children's picture books. Calder drew bald stickmen with round bellies. Then my eyes were drawn to the bottom left hand corner, because I could see "frere" which is one of the few words I know in French. I asked Calder what the box meant and he paraphrased it for me. Deena translated it later word for word so I could share with you. 

"If I had a magic wand I would . . . make it so that my brother would be alive and with my family"

My heard nearly exploded. So much love. 


  1. Oh my goodness, there are tears pushing their way up to my eyes right now and my breath seems to be caught up in my throat. Your kids are incredible and Calder is such a sensitive and intuitive little person. Hugs to you all.

  2. This is just the sweetest post. Calder and Boone are great brothers.

  3. Calder is amazing. Truly. What a wonderful soul he has... <3


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