Just Jordan

A few times I have directed your attention to TheBloggess.com . I often find myself laughing out loud at her sense of humor crazy anecdotes. On Monday she wrote a post titled, The fight goes on . In it she candidly speaks about her battle with depression and self-harming. After Tripp died there were moments when I (and Hugh) wondered if I was depressed. I have never felt worse in my life. My grief was consuming me and I just wanted to wallow in it. My son was gone and I was suffering. Even as I reflect back on that time, I don't think I was depressed, I think I was suffering from grief. With that being said, I can't imagine feeling the way I did then (or even worse) when it wasn't grief. Those who battle depression are brave and Jenny states in her post, they "suffer in the dark." Even if you don't share my love for her sense of humor, if have some time this weekend, The fight goes on , is worth your time. Also check out her follow-up to that post, Wow.

I slept in this morning, but apparently it wasn't enough rest from my weekend in Edmonton. I tried my hardest to put on a brave face today, but by 10:30 am I was snapping at Hugh for no reason and storming around. It's funny how my perspective changed this morning. At 8:30 am I was excited to get a bunch of stuff done in the kitchen (I had lasagna, homemade spaghetti sauce, and cupcakes for my niece's birthday on my list) and 2 hours later the sadness of the 8 month anniversary of Tripp's death crept in.  The tasks that once seemed like a bit of fun, were now feeling completely overwhelming. I headed for my sanctuary. I cried, but mostly I slept. I emerged 2.5 hours later a bit better equipped to grieve and function at the same time. While Hugh and Calder were in the basement setting up some furniture, I spent a solid 4 hours in the kitchen. It was good. Hugh came up around supper time and checked his email. He had one in his inbox with the title of one of our stu...

I am thinking of two ideas today. One is from the Dali Lama and the other Scarlett O'Hara. Bet you never thought I could put those two together! First, His Holiness The Dali Lama.  I started reading The Art of Happiness  in March. It was here that I was first introduced to the idea that everyone suffers. In that post I said, "it has made me realize I am not immune from suffering just because I haven't experienced a great deal of it before now. Everyone suffers. It is part of life. It is part of my life. It is part of everyone's life. I was not, and am not, immune to suffering." I am not immune to suffering. It doesn't matter that I have already experienced a loss. Grief is not some protective cloak that prevents bad things from happening to me. The Dali Lama says,  “If you have fear of some pain or suffering, you should examine whether there is anything you can do about it. If you can, there is no need to worry about it; if you cannot do anythin...